By Diane Roberts
If Matt Gaetz were a character in “Animal House,” he’d be Douglas Niedermeyer, the fascist frat bro who ends up being killed in Vietnam by his own troops.
Everybody hates Matt Gaetz.
They hate him as much as they hate Ted Cruz and y’all, that’s a heaping helping of hate.
As Sen. Lindsey Graham once remarked, “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you.”
You could probably murder Matt Gaetz in the House chamber and receive a standing ovation.
Even former speaker Newt Gingrich can’t stand the sneering, squirrel-cheeked member (emphasis on “member”) from northwest Florida who engineered the fall of Speaker Kevin McCarthy and says Gaetz should be expelled from the House.
Newt Gingrich is an expert on jerk behavior: He once called Democrats the “enemies of normal Americans” and piously condemned Bill Clinton for his sexual sins — just before news broke of his own extra-marital affairs.
Not that you should feel even a micro-twinge of sympathy for Kevin McCarthy, a weak little man who would have agreed to trade his soul for the office — if only he had a soul.
McCarthy’s silly impeachment “investigation,” the misshapen carrot he offered Gaetz and his band of middle school nihilists so that maybe they would not shut down the government and evict him from the big fancy chair up front, was never going to appease the deranged right wing of his reactionary caucus.
Never a strategy
Gaetz and the seven other dolts who’ve vandalized the U.S. government simply wanted to make a mess, because, like, it’s awesome to bust up the furniture and pee on the carpet.
There was never a strategy for where to go after they detonated the stink bomb. Gaetz’s only plan was to raise campaign cash off his mega-MAGA move and continue to taunt, insult, and verbally moon Republicans who used to think they were his friends.
Rep. Chip Roy of Texas, who did not vote to fire McCarthy, lashed out at Gaetz for dissing him. “You want to come at me and call me a RINO? You can kiss my ass!
Scores of other Republicans don’t bother to conceal their fervent hope the House Ethics Committee will find that Gaetz is guilty of at least some of the infractions he’s been accused of, including misappropriating campaign money, using drugs, bribery, and displaying videos of nude women he claims to have had sex with so they can boot him out.
But Gaetz, like his much-indicted role model, figures all attention is good attention. The more Trump is accused of criminal behavior, the more popular with Republican goose-steppers he becomes.
Like George Wallace
Matt Gaetz is betting that being a complete schmuck will work for him, too — at least in Florida.
After all, the good white folks in his ultra-Trumpy, church-choked, anti-vaxxer district have kept voting for him. Most love him.
One guy likened him to George Wallace, but that was, believe it or not, meant as a compliment.
I’m sure Gaetz prefers to think of himself as a conservative version of JFK, complete with an assertively toothy smile.
Let’s say the House does its job for once and expels Matt Gaetz: Will he feel shame? Embarrassment? The tiniest twinge of remorse?
PLEASE.
When he’s on the stump, campaigning for governor of Florida in 2026, he’ll boast about how the Deep State, the Lesbian lobby, and radical Wokeists conspired against him.
To be fair, Gaetz says he’s not running, but his relationship with the truth has always been somewhat elastic.
Morally vacant, misogynistic, and racist: Judging by Florida’s last two governors, I’d say his resumé would be popular with people who had no trouble electing the guy whose company defrauded Medicare or the guy who thinks public school librarians and teachers “groom” children for some ill-defined future debauchery.
Most objectionable
Gaetz has been working on being the most objectionable person in any room since 2010, when he was elected to the Florida Legislature.
He was forced to apologize for suggesting legendary civil rights activist Rep. Arthenia Joyner was uneducated and voted against a Florida revenge porn bill, telling a former state legislator that he figured photos of his exes were his to use as he liked.
Once he got to Congress in 2017, he voted against renewing the Violence Against Women Act as well as a federal sex trafficking bill.
As if that wasn’t enough to establish his MAGA bona fides, he invited a Holocaust denier to a State of the Union address (later claiming “I didn’t know much about him”) and asked Donald Trump for a blanket pardon to protect him from the “bloodlust” of his opponents.
If he does decide to run for governor once Ron DeSantis finally leaves office, his main opponent could be, well, Casey DeSantis.
This isn’t as far-fetched as it sounds: In 1966, when Alabama Gov. Wallace found himself term-limited out, his wife Lurleen ran and won, buying him time to change the state constitution to allow him to serve multiple terms.
Thanks to Matt Gaetz
Meanwhile, back in Washington, government has more or less ground to a halt — thanks to Matt Gaetz — until the House chooses a new speaker.
Could it be Steve Scalise of Louisiana, who once described himself as “David Duke without the baggage”?
Gym Jordan, the bellicose former Ohio State University wrestling coach, who keeps denying he knew anything about the rampant sexual abuse of OSU wrestlers?
Perhaps a Florida Man: U.S. Rep. Byron Donalds distinguished himself attempting to defend Donald Trump’s storing classified documents in a Mar-a-Lago bathroom, insisting, “there are 33 bathrooms at Mar-a-Lago, so don’t act like it’s just in some random bathroom that the guests can go into. That’s not true.”
For a little while, Donald Trump, the ultimate Florida Man, seemed to be in the running.
The reliably deranged Marjorie Taylor Greene said he was the only candidate she would back for speaker.
Alas, it is not to be: Trump has now endorsed Gym Jordan.
The United States used to be called “the world’s greatest democracy.” Thanks to Matt Gaetz, Florida’s own bouffant-sporting, sneering little rich boy and his co-conspirators, we don’t even have a functioning government.
Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books.
Atwp says
If people hate him, why listen to him? O the Republican Party. Is he the leading reason we don’t have a speaker? Didn’t they investigate him for sexual misconduct? The man record is stinking.
Philip says
Ha! I wish Diane Roberts would loosen up and tell us how she really feels about Florida politics.
Well, she’ll never run out of material for more editorials.
Bill C says
Jerkiness is too polite a term. Jerkoff suits him better.
Dennis C Rathsam says
Another wasteless hit job on a member of the GOP! This is a sic person with serious hang ups. She,s more mouth than substance! A complete democratic kool-aid drinker, whom pushes the agenda no matter how it hurts our country, and the great state of Fl. Diane do something constructive, look in your own back yard, before you blow more smoke out your ass!
Toto says
Diane Roberts is always spot on with her writings. From harsh reality to sarcasm in its raw form, she rocks it! Matt Gaetz, aka Beavis, or is it Butthead…. This guy is the epitome of a f’ing idiot- true Trump wannabe. Repulsive POS, child trafficking in full display, why has this not been pursued?!! A true RINO, how did he get re-elected? The more that surfaces, people will figure it out. It’s hard to believe that Americans are so stupid to re-elect this freak. Wake up panhandlers who elected him, see him for what he is!!
Not Shocked says
Matt Gaetz is the guy that you want to hate. He’s been crucified in the media left, right and center for a whole litany of sandals and bad behavior. But when it comes to his motion to vacate the Office of the Speaker in the House of Representatives; he had some pretty good reasons. Kevin McCarthy lied to a lot of people. McCarthy said he would do one thing and then would do another. McCarthy ‘led’ the House to a period of not getting anything done when it was his job to bring legislation to the floor for discussion and voting. McCarthy was going down a path established by Speakers before him to jumble legislation together into larger legislation (or bills) and then push those larger bills to the floor. Those bills had something for everyone. The House should be able to do better. And sometimes McCarthy pushed bills to the floor and scheduled the vote so quickly that no Representative actually had a chance to read what they were going to vote on. Something that he said he would not do right before he became Speaker. McCarthy lied. And when the chips were down and Gaetz found a few other Representatives willing to support his motion; McCarthy blasted the Democrats publicly the weekend before the vote on the motion to vacate while asking his close allies to call and ask those same Democrats to vote against the motion to vacate. Representative Matt Gaetz simply exposed a liar and got him booted from the office of Speaker. Good for Matt Gaetz and good for the people of the United States of America.
Jane E says
Gaetz is an absolute disgrace to Florida and the USA.
Brian says
Lefty shill Diane Roberts calling someone “squirrel cheeks” – checked the mirror lately Alvin?
Greg says
Everybody hates someone who stands up for right or wrong. I love his fighting for the American people, especially the one who have no idea what is wrong in America.
The dude says
He’s definitely got the “old cranky white guy” demographic locked up. If the comments here are of any indication.
Gaetz is just another MAGA shill who cares more about his “social” media stats than the country.
Wow says
I despise Matt Gaetz but I don’t think we should be talking about killing anyone.
Mary Jane says
Gaetz is a spoiled rich kid who’s Daddy bailed him out of his drunk driving tickets. And Gaetz is a pawn for Donad who controls his strings a long with MTG and Jordan. They are all out to destroy our country for the want to be dictator.
Duncan says
Humm, how what hurts our country and the great state of Fl?
All I have seen Republicans contribute lately are a series of unconstitutional mandates in the great state of Florida that are being stuck down one after another along with total disarray and incompetence of the Republican Party.
endless dark money says
haha gop deflection when you call out their ignorance, incompetence and criminality. I think the magats are the sheep drinking your koolaid or urine or whatever gqp consipiracy they come up with to deflect from the actual truth.
ban the GOP says
gop’ers are a disgrace to the human race.
endless dark money says
hahahaha gop dont give 2 $h^ts about the american people only power and money. Profits above all.
Thomas Hutson says
Gaetz, Jerkiness
Matt Gaetz is just a “PIMPLE” a sore one at that in the “R” party! He epitomizes the attempt at leadership in those he Idolizes, ones such as Trump, DeSantis, Scott, Rubio, Cruz, Jordon, Green, Graham, and the rest of the deranged right wing of his party!
But let’s not lay all the blame on this infected “PIMPLE”. He was elected by the voters in his district, share the blame. What is that old saying? “BE CAREFUL IN WHAT YOU ASK FOR, YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT”. Well did you get it??
endless dark money says
makes you extra happy that this indivdiual can sabatoge his own sex offender investigation. Thats the real GOP power.
Laurel says
When COVID-19 was killing people to the point of refrigerator trucks being filled with bodies, Gaetz went on the floor of Congress, sarcastically, wearing a gas mask.
Gaetz is one of the main clowns in the current Trumplican circus.
Laurel says
Greg: The true “stand up” Republicans lost their jobs because they stood up against the most foul man in our political history.
BTW, where is the repeal and replace plan? Gaetz is a fool who makes us look weak to the rest of the world.
YankeeExPat says
Sorry to say Mr. Rathsam, but the Republican party of Dwight D. Eisenhower and Ronald Reagan are just a foot notes in history. The modern GOP is the likes of Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Bobert and that God awful Tommy Tuberville. Even Steve Scalice dropped out of contention of being leader of the current shit show.
Charles says
Someone feels Beaver Teeth Gaetz is for the American people, unreal they must watch propaganda Fox for their news. He could give too shits about the American people. He is a useless character in the Trump Cult of misfits.
Charles says
You never hear Gaetz or the Cult Trump party speak about how they want to balance the budget, or improve health care do ya? No all they preach is revenge, hate, control and power.
Wake up and see them for who they are it is a party of do nothings.
Steve says
The Article wasn’t written by trump
Steve says
The Party of No. No Agenda, Policy, or Ideas to make anything better. Just attack, deflect, deny, accuse, project
Sherry says
Yet another “gem” by Diane Roberts! Boy does she have Matt Gaetz’s number! Love the snarky style of Diane’s articles!
I’m delighted to see that the vast majority of those commenting here agree with Diane’s take on Matt. Of course, there are the brainwashed “usual suspects”, like Dennis, who simply refuse to become educated by the truth of credentialed facts. He is becoming more and more in the minority though, as one by one “true Republicans” are awaking from their cult stupor and realizing how the once Grand party of law and order, and conservative values of honor, truth and justice has de-evolved into a fascist moral cesspool.
Unfortunately, yet again, the rudderless “New Republican” party of destruction and “NO” managed to kick out an unacceptable, untrustworthy, weak Speaker of the House, with “ZERO” plan on who will replace him! Again, the “New Republican” party has done a tremendous disservice to the American people! The ripple effects of such a completely “LAME” move have Russia and China laughing and salivating at our weakness!!!
Yet, the brainless cult members will continue to support and vote for those complete “Idiots”!
Martin Clark says
Concur, however you are too kind…Josh Hawley, Madison Cawthorn, George Santos, Rick Scott, Paul Gosar, Ted Cruz, Kari Lake, Rand Paul, Lindsey Graham, Elise Stefanik, Ron DeSantis, Kristi Noem, Kay Ivey, Greg Abbott, Dan Patrick, not to mention the sheep…Rudy Guiliani, Tucker Carlson, Jesse Watters, Mike Lindell, Sean Hannity, Stevie O’Bannon, Roger Stone. Try matching that against Pete Buttigieg, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Eric Swalwell, Jaime Raskin, Cory Booker, Jared Moskowitz…that fight would be stopped in ROUND ONE!
Atwp says
White rich spoiled brat. The good thing is he has a death date waiting for him. Whites die too, I just love it that whites die too.
Philip says
I think you’ll find, with some research, that death awaits all people regardless of skin color. You should be very pleased knowing that.