Florida for decades was determined to leave Jim Crow behind and separate ourselves from the likes of Alabama, with leadership committed to equal justice, open government, and voting rights — however imperfectly achieved. No more. With the reelection of Ron DeSantis, and ultra-conservative victories in gerrymandered congressional districts across the state, Florida is sliding back into the mire of its Old South past.
Republicans often have unsavory friends, people like Hungarian despot Viktor Orbán, white nationalist Tucker Carlson, and that petulant Oompa Loompa who kept top secret nuclear documents stuffed in a box at his beach house. So why is Rick Scott getting hated on?
Give it up, wokester profs: Ron DeSantis will no longer tolerate your anti-American spin on our history, your critical race theorizing, your LGBTQ weirdo agenda, and your communist indoctrination of our kids in Florida’s great state universities.
Our two upper-chamber gents aren’t merely lobbing charges of Banana Republicanism at Democrats. At the recent CPAC meeting, Rick Scott gave a rootin’ tootin’ slap-your-dog-and-arrest-your-undocumented-mama speech warning, “The militant Left has now taken control of our economy, our culture, and our country.”
FPL got a consultant to hire a private investigator who spied on a Florida Times Union reporter, his girlfriend, and their dog. FPL CEO Eric Silagy swears he didn’t do it. And, if somebody did it, he didn’t know about it.
Ron DeSantis wants the young ’uns educated with no unfair criticism of the Greatest Country that Ever Was. To that end, he’s bringing in a curriculum from Hillsdale College, a righteous institution where they love the Lord, the flag, and capitalism — not necessarily in that order.
The House hearings on the violent near-coup at the Capitol is the most exciting television since “Game of Thrones,” though with less sex and fewer beheadings. Since eight years of decent progress on social justice under Obama, it’s becoming clear something has gone very wrong with Republican brain-wiring.
The only dates that matter to real Americans are 1492, 1776, and 1980 (the year the Blessed Ronald Reagan ascended to the Oval Office). Don’t let these “woke” teachers even mention 1619: it’s all a damn lie.
Sen. Rick Scott proposes to take us back to the 1950s, that glorious era when Black people were beaten and arrested for trying to vote, when women of all colors were expected to stay home and raise the children, when Christianity dominated the culture, when gay people had to stay in the closet, and we lived in mortal terror of socialism.
These magnanimous Republicans will allow women and girls to have control over their own bodies until the fetus inside them gets to be about the size of an apple. After that, ladies, you’re nothing but a “host body,” as former Florida House Speaker Jose Oliva famously said.