By Diane Roberts
The Quack Ladapo doesn’t want you to get the new Covid-19 booster shot. It’s terrible, horrible, no good and very bad.
It hasn’t been tested! Or if it has, certain secret clinical trials reveal it could kill you or turn you schizo or maybe cause your extremities to fall off in the street, which is exactly what the CDC, the FDA, and Anthony Fauci, Doctor of Doom, want!
No, he won’t show you the lab reports. You wouldn’t understand them, unless you possess the peculiar genius of the Quack, Gov. Ron DeSantis, or perhaps Tucker Carlson, who knows ferr shurr that Fauci actually engineered the virus to murder Americans and somehow make billions of dollars.
So, no booster jab for you, fellow Floridian! Unless you’re over 65. Then you can get one. What the hell: You’re going to die soon anyway. (The Florida Department of Health has actually recommended against the booster for younger people, but shots are available for them nevertheless.)
Once he determined the Quack would be just the kind of boot-licking anti-science surgeon general he wanted, Ron DeSantis and his pet University of Florida Board of Trustees forced UF to hire Ladapo with tenure and a fat salary.
Before he landed the gig, the Quack used to work at the UCLA School of Medicine, where many of his colleagues were glad to see the back of him.
His former supervisor gave him the kind of reverse reference that would put the kibosh on a normal person’s job application. Asked whether Florida should hire the Quack, the supervisor said, “No.”
In 2021, when the Quack landed in Florida, it was like returning to a simpler, much stupider time, when docs prescribed drinking a little ground unicorn horn mixed with water as a cure for the plague.
Or if you were fresh out of unicorns (or the virgins you need to catch them), you could always try chicken butt.
Henry VIII’s barber-surgeon Thomas Vicary recommended taking a live chicken, plucking all the feathers around its rear end, and strapping said bare-fanny fowl onto the affected area of the body. When the chicken started to get sick, you took her off, gave her a wash, and strapped her back on to continue the treatment.
This continued until either the patient or the chicken died.
This kind of thing is right up the Quack’s alley, so to speak.
He’d been a member of a group called America’s Frontline Doctors, though what — other than idiocy — they were on the front line of has never been made clear.
Fellow members included an ophthalmologist from Michigan with an expired medical license and a woman who said the cause of most gynecological problems was “demon sperm.”
As we all know, many women experience unwanted sexual attentions from an incubus. You’re lying there asleep and, next thing you know, a malevolent spirit has had his way with you, infecting you with who knows what icky supernatural sex germs.
The Quack hasn’t commented on Dr. Demon Sperm, but evidently admires Simone Gold, another “Frontline Doctor,” gushing that her gift was bringing “light into a place where there was mostly darkness and fear and panic.”
She didn’t bring light when she broke into the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021, she brought a megaphone, into which she ranted dementedly.
She was later sentenced to 60 days in jail.
No way FDA
A few weeks ago, Ladapo phoned DeSantis. Or DeSantis phoned Ladapo.
It was live streamed it on Twixxer or whatever that thing calls itself this week and given a title: “No Way FDA.”
Five days later, UF Health blithely ignored the Quack and advised the university community to get the covid booster.
Yes way FDA.
Along with defending the indefensible, the Quack enjoys fiddling data.
An April 2023 study revealed that the Covid vaccine did not increase the risk of cardiac disease. The Quack altered the study to say the opposite.
He remains convinced that mainstream medicine, the kind that involves years of biology, chemistry, and physiology, all those exams and certifications, the replicable clinical trials and the peer reviews, all that elitist training, is totally overrated.
Who’s to say that horse de-wormer, strong light, or even good old American Lysol aren’t as effective at warding off Covid as Big Pharma’s fancy vaccines, some of which were manufactured by sinister foreigners with university degrees?
Experts and other literate people were unimpressed when Ron DeSantis ordered one million doses of hydroxychloroquine.
Ladapo thought that was just fine. Floridians not so much: 980,000 doses may still be stuffed in a warehouse somewhere.
But the Quack didn’t laugh. The Quack knew that sometimes a once well-regarded doctor must destroy his medical career to support his governor.
Sometimes a whole administration must risk Deep State derision and a high mortality rate among its constituents to own the libs. Especially if the head of that administration is running for president.
The Quack is doing his job — which is to be a toadying sycophant.
On Sept. 7, a distressed Black man confronted DeSantis after a white supremacist shot three people in Jacksonville, saying, “You have allowed people to hunt people like me in broad daylight.”
DeSantis, true to form, responded like a four-year-old confronted with conclusive evidence he did indeed steal that cookie, barking, “You don’t get to come here and blame me for some madman. I’m not going to accept it.”
The Quack was quick to defend his boss, suggesting the citizen challenging DeSantis had mental problems and citing what he called (with a straight face, y’all!) DeSantis’“wonderful heart.”
Demonstrating gubernatorial-level inarticulacy, he added, “It’s terrible that people take advantage of the fact that he’s a different color from the poor victims of that tragedy.” Ron DeSantis: victim of racism.
Scott Rivkees, Florida’s former surgeon general never understood the DeSantis administration isn’t about health or welfare or reality. Just power.
Remember that press conference in spring 2020 when he reminded Floridians to mask up and socially distance until the vaccines became available? One of the governor’s staff swiftly escorted him out of the room.
Rivkees was barely heard from again. The next year he fled Florida for a job at Brown University.
Now a bunch of (undoubtedly woke) researchers at Yale have produced a study suggesting that Republicans in Ohio and Florida experienced a “significantly higher” death rates than Democrats in the months after Covid-19 vaccines became nationally available.
The Quack probably won’t believe it. But maybe his boss should take it seriously: Killing your voters is no way to win an election.
Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books.