By Dick Polman
This is for real: Rupert Murdoch will soon launch a new platform, Fox Weather.
Wrap your head around that one. Brian Wieser, a prominent media analyst, said it best the other day: “How do you address the fact that weather changes are caused to some degree by humans when you have a media property with a history of challenging that fact?”
Hmmm.
“…And for the latest Big Beautiful 10-day American Greatness Forecast, let’s go to Sabrina at the big board. Sabrina?”
(Blonde, short tight skirt) “Thank you, Tucker! Stay tuned, we’ll have that soon. In the meantime, I’m happy to report that red states are in for a treat this weekend as a high pressure system brings balmy temps and blue skies, fine weather for cleaning your guns outdoors or joining up with other tourists at your favorite Capitol building. But Tucker, there’s very different news elsewhere. Would you like me to share?”
“That would be mighty white of you.”
“It does appear that the Pacific Northwest, and we all know how those states voted, will boil in 125 degrees, with rampant wildfires in the areas where they don’t rake the forests. Why God is seeing fit to punish that region, we can only speculate on His motives at this time, but suffice it to say that tomorrow in particular may be the worst day for those folks since Ashli Babbitt was shot.”
“Sabrina, some elites will surely say that those high temps are further ‘evidence’ of what they theorize as ‘climate change,’ but what does your reporting tell you?”
“Tucker, I’m getting high readings on the Chinese Hoaxmeter, so let’s leave it for the viewers to decide.”
“And questions need to be asked whether it’s just a coincidence that all this is happening at the same time that blue states are forcing our kids to learn critical race theory.”
“Which also may account for the sustained high winds that are expected in other blue states, where some say that the wind turbines will kill tens of millions of birds.”
“Right you are, Sabrina. Seems like what this country needs this weekend is a massive tax cut.”
(Mutual laughter). “Right back to ya, Tucker. But just to be fair and balanced, it does look like some southern areas of Real America will be hit this weekend with record flooding and endless rain, so it might be advisable for those patriots to get out the ole umbrella and go live for awhile in a rescue shelter where unvaccinated people aren’t persecuted.”
“Any remote chance that the flooding could spread into ungovernable Democrat strongholds?”
“Not at this time, Tucker, but if I take my Sharpie pen…there…fixed it!”
“Thank you Sabrina. Is there any confirmable good news out there?”
“Well, it does look like Miami is under water, and we all know how Miami-Dade County voted.”
“I’m sure the alarmists will have a different theory. By the way, have you finished tabulating the 10-day American Greatness Forecast?”
“We have indeed, Tucker. But we don’t like the downbeat results – too much ‘extreme’ weather in too many places – so we’re going to send the data out to Arizona for an audit.”
“Right you are, Sabrina, you never know what Hugo Chavez may be up to. Stay tuned, we’ll be back in a minute after this message from Beautiful Clean Coal.”
Dick Polman, a veteran national political columnist based in Philadelphia and a Writer in Residence at the University of Pennsylvania, writes at DickPolman.net. Email him at [email protected]. Copyright 2021 Dick Polman, distributed exclusively by Cagle Cartoons newspaper syndicate.
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deb says
And I guess global warming was responsible for the 1936 North American heat wave which was one of the most severe heat waves in the modern history of North America. It took place in the middle of the Great Depression and Dust Bowl of the 1930s and caused catastrophic human suffering and an enormous economic toll.
deb says
Or these other heatwaves:
1540 European drought – Extreme drought and heatwave lasting 11 months in Europe.
July 1757 heatwave – Europe, hottest summer in 500 years before 2003.
1896 Eastern North America heat wave – killed 1,500 people in August 1896.
1900 – historical heatwave of the center of Argentina between the first eight days of February 1900 known as “the week of fire” affected the city of Buenos Aires and Rosario with temperatures of up to 37 °C (99 °F) but with a very high index of humidity that elevated the sensation of heat to 49 °C (120 °F) severely affecting the health of people causing at least more than 478 fatalities.
FlaglerLive says
The commenter is misunderstanding the issue. The heat waves she refers to were localized in time and geography. Global warming has been a globalized catastrophe tracing back over decades and continuing to shatter or come close to shattering heat records year after year. June alone was the fifth hottest on record.
Skibum says
I may be a jaded, anti Fox skeptic, but I think this attempt is nothing more than a blatant ploy to increase that network’s viewership. Every local TV station nationwide has their own weather people to report on local and national weather conditions. I’m not sure if all of them are experienced and credentialed meteorologists but I know those I turn to here in our area certainly are. Why would that network think they need something different, unless maybe to further put their anti-science spin on what is happening with the weather, which would be in my view a very bad thing.
Sherry says
Unfortunately for those of us who have preserved our brains and moral code, there are hundreds of thousand who actually believe everything they see and hear on any FOX outlet. The Qanon/FOX/trump cult is actively and dangerously undermining the sanity of our society right along with our Democratic processes and the rule of law! Rupert Murdoch is just soooooo proud of the twisted dysfunction caused by his media empire. There was a time that such cartoons would be thought of as ridiculously funny. . . Not anymore!
Richard says
I would trust the weather predictions by FOX versus listening to all of the LIES by CNN when they report the weather.
BR#549 says
CNN has great weather people its FAUX who lies daily , I do not even trust them with a sportscast . Fox is still the Trumper Humper network just remember if their mouth’s are open they are lying.
Steve says
Will they have a segment for Delusional Donnie to get out his Sharpie and scrawl on screen too