By Diane Roberts
Ejucashun! Ain’t just for students and teachers any more.
No, sir: We, the white, God-fearing, Trump-loving, Tucker-watching moms and dads of America are getting our own selves involved in the book-learning process, and if we have to crack a few heads and tweet out a few death threats, we will.
It was bad enough when a bunch of trans-loving, Jesus-shunning school boards in Florida counties with way too many libs living there defied our governor and told the young ’uns they had to mask up to go to school.
Just because some kids have supposedly died of the ’rona virus.
At least, that’s what the lying media want you to believe.
Anyway, children die all the time, falling down wells, abducted by pizza-eating Democrat pedos, trampled by wild cattle, or fooling around with Daddy’s Glock G19.
Unlike these school boards, Florida’s surgeon general nominee has his head on straight. Sure, there are all these so-called studies that show getting the vax and wearing a mask cut down on COVID transmission, but our governor’s doc told us just what we wanted to hear: 1. Vaccines are “nothing special;” 2. Why not take hydroxychloroquine or horse de-wormer? What have you got to lose? 3. Masks are a communist plot.
That brave Dr. Ladapo showed fuss-bunny Democrat Sen. Tina Polsky who was boss, refusing to mask up in her office, even though she has cancer and is undergoing radiotherapy.
Hey, lady: Our freedoms are more important than your compromised immune system.
We don’t want our kids wearing face condoms, either, any more than we want them to actually know what a condom is.
So, don’t be surprised if we show up at your school board meeting ready to rock ‘n’ roll.
Some lib on the Brevard County School Board found out that we’re not kidding about this. We called the Dept. of Children and Families on her, said she was abusing her kid. We killed her grass. We chopped down her plumeria.
And — this is pretty awesome — one of us coughed in her face, you know, to maybe give her COVID.
The Proud Boys helped us out in Sarasota, when we showed up in front of school board chair Shirley Brown’s house with bullhorns and sirens after she went all-in on mask mandates.
We’ve busted up school board meetings in Duval, Orange, Alachua, Palm Beach, Leon — all those coward counties that forced our precious babies to wear a mask.
Now Joe Biden is bringing the jackbooted hand of the Deep State slap down on us, sending the FBI to investigate private citizen Americans for nothing more than a few harassing phone calls, violent texts, vandalism, and some pushing and shoving.
If these school board socialists can’t take it, they should move to California.
This here is a nation-wide uprising, a rebel yell against government schools with their pro-Fauci, anti-America bullcrap.
Look at Tennessee: We chased a bunch of doctors and nurses who wanted to force masks on our kids out into the parking lot and told them, “We’re coming for you.”
Look at Virginia: We’re getting dirty books like “The Bluest Eye” and “Beloved,” by so-called “Nobel Prize” winner Toni Morrison, plus other pornographic stuff by black radicals like John Lewis and Ernest Gaines, banned from our schools.
And before you ask, no, we haven’t read that filthy junk. We already know it’s bad.
Same in Texas: The Legislature there is investigating twisted commie literature like “The Handmaid’s Tale,” “The Confessions of Nat Turner,” and “The Cider House Rules,” which will lead our youth to think that women should not be submissive, to think that slaves should revolt against their masters, and even think that doctors who perform abortions are not Satan’s minions on earth.
If we had our way, our youth won’t think at all.
Praise Jesus, here in Florida our governor has decreed that there will be no “The 1619 Project,” and none of that Critical Race Theory making our sweet white children hate themselves, their mamas and daddies, and their great-great-grandparents, who happened to belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
In Florida, young ’uns will learn the truth: That American history is about “the creation of a new nation based largely on universal principles stated in the Declaration of Independence.”
Universal principles we still hold dear, such as black folks knowing their place and white men being head of the family, and God making Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.
In Florida, children will salute the flag. Children will recite how America is the greatest country in the world. Children will live mask-free or die.
This, you pinko wokesters, is liberty.
Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books.