It’s a known fact that books can turn children gay.
Say your 9th grader comes into contact with “Rainbow Boys” or “All Boys Aren’t Blue” — boom, it’s all over. That kid is now a certified Friend of Dorothy.
Let your child near a book such as “Almost Perfect” by Brian Katcher, and, before you know it, Bobby Jr. comes home and announces that he no longer cares about being an All-State tight end — he wants to “explore his sexuality.”
The only dates that matter to real Americans are 1492, 1776, and 1980 (the year the Blessed Ronald Reagan ascended to the Oval Office). Don’t let these “woke” teachers even mention 1619: it’s all a damn lie.
Even worse, schools force decent (white) high schoolers, accidentally finding themselves in a library, to walk past trash like Yaa Gyasi’s “Homegoing,” which is about some kidnapped Africans who end up in Alabama, or Toni Morrison’s “Beloved,” a novel with a bunch of ex-slaves bellyaching and a ghost who likes to have sex.
Our so-called educators never present the positive side of our proud 400-year history of genocide and racism. Never a single word about the slaves singing happily in the cotton fields.
But thanks to Gov. Ron DeSantis, the CRT sniffers at Moms for Liberty, and county school board members who last read a book in 1996, literature dealing with inappropriate subjects such as the rumored presence of people on this continent before Columbus was directed by God to discover us, Thomas Jefferson having sex with a 15 year-old, lynching, police shootings of unarmed folks who happen to be Black, immigrants whipped at the border, women wanting abortions, and other books that undermine normal families with one (cookie-baking) mommy and one (bread-earning) daddy, little girls who love Barbie and little boys who play with guns will be outlawed.
Who gets to wear a dress?
You see, Gov. DeSantis simply wants the precious (white) children of Florida to be happy, untroubled by the way (Black) people just can’t get over it already, and confusion about who gets to wear a dress.
The Enemies of Real Americans whine that a lot of the banned so-called authors are Latinos, Blacks, and LGBTQ people — which is about right, since they’re the ones attacking America.
Ferdinand the bull doesn’t act very manly — he never charges at anything!
But normal white people are at it, too. Some supposedly “classic” children’s books are sick stuff. As an article in the otherwise fake news Washington Post pointed out that Ferdinand the bull doesn’t act very manly — he never charges at anything!
And “A Kiss for Little Bear” does not promote healthy heterosexual relationships, the article observes: “Grandmother wants to pass along a kiss to Little Bear, and so we watch a female bear kiss a female chicken, who kisses a male frog, who kisses a male cat, who kisses a male skunk, who gets into some serious necking with a female skunk (they marry) before giving the kiss back to the chicken, who kisses Little Bear. It’s like Berlin in the 1920s.”
On second thought, don’t pay any attention to that article: Turns out the two guys that wrote it put out a book about gay penguins.
Used to be we could take our kids to Disneyworld for a cuddle with a giant mouse who talks in a falsetto voice, but now even the Happiest Place on Earth has gone woke with their “Magical Pride” parties, its CEO pausing political contributions because of Florida’s fine new law that doesn’t let teachers indoctrinate the youth into accepting two daddies, fluid gender, kindness, decency, and other ungodly notions.
Bulldoze Cinderella’s Castle
Well, they can say “gay” all day in the Magic Kingdom: So what if Disney’s one of the largest employers in the state? Our sanctified governor is going to bulldoze Cinderella’s Castle and take away all those perks and tax breaks.
Serves them right. They’ve been pushing this perverted agenda for years. I mean, that chick Elsa in “Frozen” doesn’t need to let it go, she needs a roll in the hay with a real man. And what’s with the seven short guys living with one girl and the two dudes waltzing together in “Beauty and the Beast?” This is nothing but grooming.
Our state has banned more than 200 books, the third most in the country after Texas and Pennsylvania, but all that shows is that Florida has to do better.
We want to be Number 1!
The governor is working on it. He’s discovered that most math textbooks contain Critical Race Theory, something called “social and emotional learning” (sounds gay, doesn’t it?), and the promotion of “relationship skills” when all we want is to teach children that 2+2=3.
One of these texts has a woke graph measuring so-called “racism,” which we know does not exist in America. Another claimed that children ought to “emphasize” with others.
These are nefarious intrusions into what should be a dry, boring subject despised by all children — just as God intended.
Suck it up, buttercup
The wokesters charge that the one math book state education officials allow for K-5 mathematics is published by an outfit called Accelerate Learning which, though there’s some upsetting politically correct crap on its website, was run by Glenn Youngkin until 2020. He left in 2020 to run for governor of Virginia.
On the upside, Accelerate Learning is owned by the Carlyle Group, which gives a lot of moolah to Republicans.
As our governor knows, books of all kinds can be dangerous — except maybe the Bible. And don’t go saying anything about all the hot sex, incest, rape, and murder in the Holy Book: That’s all just symbolic of higher spiritual attainment and doesn’t mean what it actually says.
Books — even math books — can promote “feelings.” We don’t want feelings in school. We want to teach the future service workers of Florida to make change at Burger King.
We ban because we love.
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R. S. says
Hilariously funny–if it weren’t so darned close to reality.
The dude says
Meanwhile Tucker Carlson encourages all us manly men to get out there and tan our testicles…
You simply can’t make this shit up.
You recognize that Black people are people too? And just because someone wants to “explore their sexuality” it doesn’t mean that they’re not human?? And those books that those author’s wrote and were so proud of are not trash. I’d like to see you sit down and write a book AND get it published. And not all mothers bake cookies. Women don’t even play that role in the family anymore and haven’t since the 60-70’s. And not all father’s get bread either If they did I guaranteed that at least half of them would not be broke and homeless. How about do your research before writing such an inarticulate article.
Lol! That sounds about right! I wish karma would hurry up and catch up with these folks!
Please stop all this woke garbage. The 1619 project is someone’s theory, not fact.
Schools should be focusing on the basics, reading , writing, and arithmetic. School kids don’t need to experience guilt over old history. The world is on the verge of nuclear war and this is what the blue side worries about? If this country doesn’t wake up, they will be teaching Chinese and Russian in school.
@mikem. . . . please STOP with all your FEAR and HATE, why don’t ya? Come on out from under that bed and turn off FOX. Fine your lost courage and thinking ability. Try “fact finding” on the Associated Press News, Reuters, BBC. . . come back to reality. We need the BEST of you. . . your brave higher angels still exist. . . dig deep and find them. . . you can do it!
It’s not that they’re experiencing guilt over old history they’re experiencing guilt that their ancestors thought like this!! The intention is not for anyone to feel guilty. The intention is to learn our history and understand why things are in place and to not repeat history. If this country doesn’t wake up, then we will have yet another civil war on our hands. And this time, no the white people will not emerge victorious. Citizens of this country will finally have equal rights if a civil war breaks out. And I apologize for my language but buddy come on now
That’s actually the most sarcasm I’ve ever seen in one place! I’m good with sarcasm. Now, if I were to play devil’s advocate, which I love to do, I’d have to say “Stop whining everyone!” Stuff like this helps me see why white people get upset. Everyone on the planet, except white people, are “people of color,” which makes us a super minority. My point being, as long as every “group,” whether gay, straight, holy, atheistic, people of color, white or nonbinary, continues to categorize themselves, and whine, we all stay divided. Bless Rodney King’s “Can’t we all just get along?” Add to that…and just mind your own damned business (leave our books alone).
Deborah Coffey says
OMG! This is satire to perfection. “We ban because we love.” I’m howling. Posting it to my Facebook page stat!
The Geode says
LOL! What. Is. This?
Noam Chomsky is my God!