By Diane Roberts
How about this for a new state slogan? “Florida: Where Brain Cells Go to Die.”
Or “The Confederacy’s Best Beaches!”
Maybe “Florida: Come for the Sunshine, Stay for the Measles.”
We are spoiled for choice.
About the measles: There’s an outbreak — nine cases in Broward County and one in Polk County, so far. And given how our anti-vax demon sperm quack of a surgeon general says sick kids don’t need to quarantine, and kids who haven’t had the measles-mumps-rubella jab can carry on coming to school, it could spread.
The measles virus is one of the world’s most contagious and can lead to pneumonia, hearing loss, and, in a few cases, brain damage or death.
The U.S. once had measles beat: The MMR vaccine is so effective (97%) that, by 2000, the disease was effectively eliminated.
Not anymore. Too many dunderheads are buying what dangerous anti-vaxxers like Ron DeSantis and his pet quack Joseph Ladapo are selling.
Ladapo is so science-challenged he thinks COVID-19 vaccines break into your DNA like a burglar busting down your door and throwing your stuff around.
As for your DNA getting messed up by a vaccine, a member of the FDA’s vaccine advisory council sighs: “You have better chance of becoming Spider-Man.”
Remember, Ladapo has tenure in the medical school at the state’s flagship institution of higher education.
Or what used to be the state’s flagship institution.
Purge at UF
The University of Florida, now a wholly owned subsidiary of DeSantis and his education-hating hoodlums, has just shut down its Diversity Equity and Inclusion office and terminated all the staff.
Other institutions are meekly following suit: The University of South Florida did not replace its DEI director when the position became vacant; the University of North Florida has shut down the offices supporting minority faiths and LGBTQ students.
The racists are thrilled to bits. Sen. Rick Scott, R-Gehenna, saying that UF’s invertebrate president Ben Sasse does “all the right things.”
Christopher Rufo, always the Drama Queen, twixxted, “The conservative counter-revolution has begun.”
Gator Nation, on the other hand, is not so thrilled.
UF’s newly-elected student government officers released a statement declaring themselves “unwaveringly in support of diversity, equity, and inclusion.”
Emmitt Smith, the great Gator running back and NFL all-time rushing record holder, registered his disgust, accusing the university and the state of failing to show “courage and leadership” and warning minority students — especially student athletes — to speak up.
Otherwise, they’ll be “complicit” in systemic racism.
The university says it’s just following orders: DEI programs are now illegal here in DeSantistan.
The university also says the $5 million they used to spend on helping under-represented students will be re-allocated to “faculty recruitment.”
Good luck with that, y’all: With attacks on tenure and academic freedom, censoring established areas of scholarship including sociology and gender studies, and imposition of “centers” pushing highly selective versions of America history to inculcate “patriotism” on campus, is it any wonder Florida universities are losing faculty and struggling to attract good replacements?
The authoritarian right ruling this state is convinced that if white Christian men were in charge, everything would be just peachy.
‘A-longin’ for the old plantation’
DeSantis and his legislative lackeys are, in the words of Florida’s official state song (third verse), “still a-longin’ for the old plantation.”
Back then the overseer didn’t have to give workers water breaks or five minutes in the shade when it’s 100 degrees and 98 percent humidity.
And none of those frills like a living wage.
The Florida Legislature has voted to preempt local regulations, making sure wokey cities (Miami, Gainesville, etc.) can’t require businesses to treat their employees like human beings.
Everyone knows heatstroke builds character.
Still, suppressing human rights and destroying the Constitution haven’t been entirely smooth sailing of late: the Stop-Hurting-White-Folks’-Feelings movement has run into some legal trouble.
While the prohibition on state money for DEI stands, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Eleventh Circuit has slapped down DeSantis’s Stop Woke statute, ruling that universities can teach what they like, how they like, and that private employers may indeed train workers to recognize and address the sexism, racism, ableism, transphobia, and homophobia spreading through this state like STDs during Spring Break.
This hasn’t stopped the Legislature from plumbing new depths of pettiness. It has passed a bill to forbid teacher training in our history of racial brutality which, they claim, “indoctrinates” future educators in “identity politics and woke ideology.”
Rep. Alex Andrade of Pensacola hit the floor in support, allowing as how slavery was a Bad Thing, but those woke ed courses don’t take into account that “some slaves were paid for their work and were able to actually get a portion of payment that slave owners received for their labor.”
OK, calm down, son. Yes, a small number of enslaved people got a little money for skilled jobs such as blacksmithing, baking, sewing, even engineering.
You know what they used the money for? Mostly to buy freedom for themselves or their families.
Andrade, who clearly wants to be Matt Gaetz when he grows up, is one of those young show ponies who lives to compete in Florida’s reactionary Gymkhana.
He was the “brains” (if that’s the right word) behind the bill that would expand defamation laws and clamp down on free speech.
Journalists would be especially vulnerable: If they use an anonymous source, the law would automatically class the source as “presumptively false.”
Thing is, without anonymous sources, we’d have never known about Watergate, the Pentagon Papers, CIA Black Sites, or Moms for Liberty founder Bridget Ziegler’s epic three-way hypocrisy.
Not chilling enough for you? Journalists’ motives for publishing a story with an unnamed tipster would be deemed presumptively malicious.
Happily — for those of us with a fondness for free speech, at least — the bill died upon adjournment of the Legislature.
But like a zombie desperate for a brains-fix, it will probably lurch back onto the calendar next year.
Meanwhile, your Florida Legislature’s way of dealing with issues like the lack of affordable housing, runaway insurance rates, bad nursing home care, homelessness, and the climate crisis is to ignore them, push them out of sight, or censor any mention of them.
Don’t say “gay” and it goes away; don’t say “global warming” and it doesn’t exist; don’t point to racism and it’s not a problem.
Just shut your eyes and whistle “Dixie:” everything in Florida is fine, just fine.
Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books.
Ed P says
Calm down. Look at the facts. CDC as of March 14,2024 a total of 58 measles cases were reported by 17 jurisdictions:
Arizona,California,Florida,Georgia,Illinois,Indiana,Louisiana,Maryland,Michigan,Minnesota,Missouri,New Jersey,New York city, Ohio, Pennsylvania,Virginia, and Washington.
To date no additional cases have occurred at Manatee Bay Elementary since Friday February 16, 2024….the 21 day infection period ended.
Could Dr. Ladapo have been right?
Damn it the “frontier doctor with a turd pile of degrees and compared to Joseph Mengele by Pierre was actually correct.
Just lucky I guess…he should buy a state lottery ticket.
Ps most spring breakers don’t hang with 8 year olds and are probably vaccinated with a 98 percent assurance that they won’t contract measles. Party on.
Laurel says
EdP: So, by your own words “Ps most spring breakers don’t hang with 8 year olds and are probably vaccinated with a 98 percent assurance that they won’t contract measles. Party on” you admit vaccines work. That makes Ladapo a major ass. Why risk when you don’t have to? Ladapo’s job is to prevent disease, not promote it, just because it might be okay, maybe, someday, but we’re not sure.
I’ve lived here for nearly 72 years, and been a lifelong Independent, and with the exception of the way many whites treated blacks in the past, this state has now become absolutely absurd! I have never seen anything like it. You cannot claim any sort of progress, or possible, reasonable, viewpoint with the current, supposed *Republican leadership.* I’ve never seen such lying, bullshitting, blatant propaganda, horrible acting and brainwashing, here in this country, as I’ve seen the last eight or so years. It’s freakin’ nuts!
Ed P says
So you are getting tired of losing the battles, watching the pendulum swing back from the far left to the middle must be agonizing based on your current angry posts.
Just because everyone doesn’t move in lock step with your outlook for our country doesn’t mean they are entirely wrong.
There are multiple ways that we can all arrive at the same destination.
If all the name calling, complaining, and bashing the republicans isn’t working why not try speaking with them, negotiate, find common ground.
The concept that one side of the aisle or the other has to be vanquished has not been a constructive strategy. Yet you continue.
Ahh, just if we could get back to talking with our families, neighbors, and friends. It’s really that simple. Try listening instead of shouting your righteous indignation.
It appears to me ( my opinion and certainly anecdotal ) that “woke” makes people anxious and unhappy since you are all feigning anger for everyone’s problems. It’s a heavy burden.
Laurel says
EdP: I married a lifelong Republican, so you know not of what you speak. Since my husband is a good example of a Republican, who is very disillusioned by the current party, who would never vote for a Trump or a DeSantis, who would not push one, specific religion on all and believes religion should be taught by example and not legislation, and believes the government should stay out of our bedrooms and not legislate genders and body control, I can communicate, and learn from him, very well.
As for my “anger” I didn’t storm the Capital. It’s really more of a mind bending mystery that people do not see through these politicians and support them without thought or question.
As for “woke” Buddha said to a seeker when asked who he was, he told him “Tell them I woke up.” Woke is a word that has been bastardized by the far right.
As for “faux” pandemics, go to your local hospitals and talk to the nurses and doctors and find their opinions on the supposed fake pandemic. You won’t get to the same place with Ladapo or DeSantis in charge.
SeymourLove says
Spot on
Ed P
Jan says
Right on, Diane Roberts! Love your commentary.
Toto says
You’re always so spot on Ms Roberts! Your sense of humor is delightful! Except that reality sets in and we realize how pitiful the state of affairs is here in Florida. It’s so sad to see the direction these “leaders” are taking us. VOTE, people, VOTE!!!
Michael J Cocchiola says
We live in Bizarro Florida, an alternate reality where science is evil and citizens are led around on an ideological leash to keep them safely within the confines of 19th-century America. In time, we’ll end up like Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee and Arkansaw where we won’t remember what the outside world looked like. We’ll hold our guns and bibles tight and watch PragerU films on the values of slavery, manifest destiny and Christian dominion.
Willy Boy says
Your commentary is spot-on! The only thing missing is when the Florida legislators will recommend Donald J. Trump for Sainthood.
JimboXYZ says
Doesn’t take Diane Roberts long to circle the wagons back to slavery & racism, LGBTQI/homphobia of DE&I in any article that she’s ever authored, does it ? The biggest news stories of Spring Break 2024, illegal drugs and the losers in life that couple their juvenile Pharmaceutical entrepreneurship with the criminal of guns they bring to any transaction. FlaglerLive missing the slam dunk easy article on that ? Instead Measles will be the 2024 Covid story. Covid was nothing more than the flu-like virus mankind has always survived somehow. One of the tools of a healthcare scare & bailout that enabled the Biden-Harris power grab. Financial hardship from inflation from Covid has ruined more lives than the measles or any other faux outbreak of pandemic. That always seems to be the battle cry to fall back on, everyone is dying from a virus, yet somehow the overpopulation & growth of Flagler County alone seems to contradict those profiting most from any manufactured healthcare crisis ?
endangered species says
haha tell that to the over 1 million americans who died from covid. maybe try getting information from credible sources instead of entertainment “news”.
Laurel says
Jimbo: Wow, you waver all over the place. There is no way in hell you can state the “Biden-Harris power grab” while ignoring Trump, and half of his incompetent family grabbing as much as they can, while they can. You have no proof of Biden or Harris grifting, yet the Trump clan has done it right before our eyes, for years now. Trump with his stupid cards and gold shoes. Invanka Trump with her forty sum Chinese trademarks. Jared Kushner with the Arabs giving him the $2billion “investment.” Lara Trump in charge of the RNC contributions. Are you serious? The only way Trump can get out of it is if his appointed judges prolong justice so he can pardon himself and take revenge on those who apposed him. This is the country you want?
Unbelievable!
Ed P says
Laurel,
Down below you stridently demand clarification from a post about what isn’t true in the article.
How about providing how any patents, Kushner’s Arab connections or the fact that Lara is involved in the RNC is sooo
Very different from selling the Biden Franchise.
Remember when point fingers Marsha there are three point back at you.(Brady Bunch…lol)
You did not present any factual information yet you critique multiple posters for doing the same. If there is nothing to the Biden scandal then why are convinced of your post? Is it Trumps are bad and Biden are good?
I bet you believe Hunters paintings are worth $250,000-$500,000. Right?
Laurel says
EdP: Hunter Biden did not work for the U.S. government, so I don’t give a damn what his stuff is worth. It’s irrelevant. Jared Trump was an unqualified “Senior Presidential Advisor” to his father in law. Ivanka Trump was an unqualified “Senior Presidential Adviser” to her father. Do you really believe these two would have been qualified to advise Lincoln, Eisenhower, Truman, Washington or either of the Roosevelts? Really? No, you know they were not. Lara Trump is an unqualified co-Chair to the Republican National Committee, and stated, yes on video, that campaign money would be funneled to Trump’s legal fees. The RNC quickly stated that wouldn’t happen. We’ll see.
If you cannot see, or hear, the difference between Trump and Biden, then you are not watching nor are you listening.
Enjoy.
Ed P says
Laurel,
Opinions are just that opinions. Yours are not better than the next persons.
Once again, you post no factual research, use name calling, deflection, and you still did not answer the question.
How are the Trump family issues different from selling the Biden Family name abroad.
You have posted that you are woke but are your eyes closed?
Is it difficult to believe Hunter Biden would noy have sold his painting to undisclosed democratic donors for
Exorbitant prices or garnered any payment from foreign corporations or government if not for his daddy? If nothing else it has the appearance of a conflict.
Sherry says
Dear Laurel,
Thank you so very much for your valiant efforts to educated the “indoctrinated” with actual facts and reasonable logic. Unfortunately, there are those who will “never” listen to reason, who don’t give a damn about facts and who will argue just to hear their head roar. . . echoing in that brainwashed emptiness. So very frustrating and pathetic! Once you said we should not be calling others pathetic. . . Sorry, there are some exceptions when faced with such “close minded” fools!
Keep the Faith Dear Lady! Greetings from outstandingly beautiful Namibia!
Laurel says
Trump will take revenge on those who oppose him. Wonderful man.
Jim says
Covid killed over 1M Americans before the vaccine arrived to help stem that disease. Not that you’d know but the flu does not kill anywhere near that number of people…. How you compare Covid deaths to Flagler growth is a mystery. I’ll give you a hint, people move into Flagler County at a higher rate than those that are dying; hence the growth….
I wouldn’t let you attempt to balance a checkbook. I wonder if you ever read and comprehend the facts at the same time….
Please get a hobby.
Hippy says
Oh Diane. Is our wonderful president making sure all the people entering our country illegally have had their shots. Please spare us with your partisan bullshit. Write both sides an people will take you as a legit source of information.
Laurel says
“Hippy”: Please explain, precisely, just what Diane has written here that is not correct.
jake says
Ten Million (10,000,000), and probably more, illegals have entered this country since the Biden takeover. I’m sure some of them had measles, and other diseases.
Jane says
Thank you Diane.
Tim says
Sherry, what flavor of koolaid are you drinking?