By Diane Roberts
You probably think Ron DeSantis and the yahoos, grifters, simps, dolts, and dunderheads who populate the Florida Legislature are collectively incapable of solving even one of the bazillion issues facing this state.
What with the slap-fights, pissing contests, and spiteful politicking, I can see how you might arrive at that conclusion.
To be fair, we must acknowledge the members’ important work of liberating Florida teenagers from satanic social media sites and delivering them into the world of menial labor, legalizing huge bottles of wine (nearly four gallons, people!), and, most significantly, naming A1A after Jimmy Buffet.
But there’s something else, something stunning, unprecedented, nay, supernatural: The Legislature has figured out how to fix climate change.
Are you speechless with amazement? I sure as hell am.
Well, almost.
Florida’s summer temperatures increasingly resemble those of the innards of a grumpy volcano, though we can usually count on a nice big hurricane to tear off some roofs and flood some streets, cooling us off.
The Gulf of Mexico hit 100 degrees F last July, which is bad enough, but the mix of saltwater and carbon dioxide makes an undelicious acidic cocktail, bleaching our corals to a pale shade of dead.
The seas are rising — as are insurance prices — and invading our drinking water supply, all thanks to our profligate spewing of greenhouse gases.
I guess the Republicans running this state and their clueless followers don’t think life is worth living if you can’t drive an F-150 Raptor R.
Well, we can now stop worrying about the planet: Your bought-and-paid-for Legislature has delivered a bill that amends Florida statutes to delete all references to climate change. Thanks to them, climate change is gone. Erased. Kaputt. Ya no es. C’est fini.
Genius!
Dumber than Texas
Messy facty-type phrases in the law about how Florida is “positioned at the front line against potential impacts of global climate change” and “human and economic costs of those impacts can be averted by global actions” will be cut from the state’s official consciousness.
All references to energy efficient vehicles, contracting with “green lodgings” for meetings and conferences, using cleaner fuels — gone.
Consider this: We are dumber than Texas.
Texas (Texas!) relies on solar and wind: Renewables provide 30% to 40% of that state’s power needs.
In Florida, it’s, um, well, 5%.
As you’re no doubt aware, the Sunshine State has a certain amount of actual sunshine. Plus, a bit of wind, though not quite enough to turn into energy given current technological limitations.
The engineering is, however, advancing fast. Really tall turbines will soon be able to capture upper-level winds.
But it won’t matter. HB 1645 bans offshore wind turbines because, er, we’re not sure why.
Aesthetics? Whales? (Since when have these bozos cared about whales?)
Never mind. When your Florida legislators sit on the beach, trying to avoid the fecal bacteria and dead fish, gazing out upon our hot, dirty waters, they don’t want no stinking turbines messing up the view.
Pipelines, now: That’s different.
Rick Scott, a terrible former governor, now a terrible senator, tried something like this back in 2015, letting it be known state employees must not utter the words “climate” and “change” in proximity to each other.
He did eventually use the phrase “climate change,” but insists there’s no need to do anything about it.
Our lawmakers are made of sterner — if stupider — stuff: They’ve bravely deployed the strike-though function on their laptops and deep-sixed our world’s greatest threat.
‘Politicizing the weather’
Here’s what the bill largely looks like: The Legislature finds that the state’s energy security can be increased by lessening dependence on foreign oil; that the impacts of global climate change can be reduced through the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions; and that the implementation of alternative energy technologies can be a source of new jobs and employment opportunities for many Floridians.
Remember back in 2018 when Ron DeSantis appeared to take global warming seriously — kind of? He appeared to accept the science of anthropogenic climate change.
Until he started running for president, dismissed greenhouse gas reduction as “left wing,” and accused Democrats of “politicizing the weather,” that is.
Still, you’ve got to hand it to Florida lawmakers: Their commitment to magical thinking is truly impressive.
They’ve not merely edited out climate change but institutional racism. All they had to do was demand schools stop teaching history that might make white folks feel bad.
Ban books by angry Black people, Latino malcontents, and ungrateful Native Americans and, before you know it, we can declare issues with those troublesome non-Caucasians are all OK now.
Same with gay and trans people: Remove books by and about them, demonize them, outlaw pronoun changes, and threaten them with the bathroom police, refuse to acknowledge their existence and, next thing you know, they’ve all disappeared.
I say if the government can use a cloak of invisibility to put noisome problems to rest, by golly, we regular citizens can, too.
Imagine:
How about we edit out any reference to gun crime?
School shootings, gang violence: All done. That 15 year-old California kidnap victim shot by the cops who were supposed to rescue her?
If they’d deleted the video, it would be as if it never happened.
Let’s pretend
Except for the 15 year-old, of course: She’d still be in her grave, but the rest of us would be so much more comfortable.
The bullet-ridden bodies of children can really get you down.
How about we pretend poverty no longer exists? We almost accomplished this already, with new laws shoving the homeless onto out-of-the-way camps.
How about hemorrhoids! Just ignore them and boom! They’re gone.
Speaking of backsides, we could cancel the noxious Benjamin Netanyahu by completely blocking him out of our brains, sticking our thumbs in our ears and shutting our eyes tightly whenever another story about the IDF murdering international journalists, Palestinian doctors, and Gaza aid workers shows up in the papers, on the radio or the TV.
If the Republicans take back the White House, they’re going to fix all our health care woes by excising language about pandemics and vaccines and such like from CDC and NIH publications.
Florida’s mallard of a surgeon general shrugs off our latest outbreaks of measles, COVID-19, and other nasty and dangerous afflictions which become considerably less nasty and dangerous if you get the jabs.
He thinks vaccines and attempts to mitigate diseases are overrated.
Eat some fruit! Maybe try demon sperm!
What you don’t know may well kill you, but at least you won’t fret.
As for me, I’m refusing to acknowledge the existence of Donald Trump.
If only The New York Times, Washington Post, NPR, CBS, NBC, ABC, PBS, BBC, AFP, and Twixxter would stop using his name.
Forget about him. Pretend he’s not there.
OK, so he may become president again and, if that happens, it’s likely he’ll crown himself Caudillo, Il Duce, Kaiser, or Eternal President and won’t leave the White House until they carry him out feet first, but surely it’s better to ignore his threats to destroy American democracy.
Reality hurts too much.
Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books.
Kelly says
Finally a state with some sense! Moved here from california where insane people run the state! What a breath of fresh air florida is!!!
Pierre Tristam says
I hope you got yourself some B-Section property. Terrific investment, as it’ll be beachfront sooner or later. Welcome to DeSantistan.
Ed P says
And yet sea levels are reported to have been as much as 10 meters higher about 100,000 years ago. And sometime between 13,000- 20,000 years ago it was much lower then today …maybe 120 meters lower -393 feet lower. Who knew?
Sherry says
@kelly. . . you really need to first get educated on the “Scientific Facts” of Climate Change:
https://science.nasa.gov/climate-change/
If that factual evidence doesn’t convince you that Climate Change is a grave danger to our entire planet, then maybe you will fit in well in fascist Florida. . . where factual education went to die.
Endangered species says
Wow deny reality much? Sorry your children won’t live long and everything we built was for nothing. Profits over people!! The mass extinction event has already begun.
Local says
It’s not a grave danger to our planet…our planet will go on with or without us. As far as humans, we will just have to relocate and change our way of life.
Sherry says
LOL! The current, relatively minor, migration already has US politicians apoplectic. What do you think will happen when “millions upon millions” of people try to relocate to higher ground? Florida will be one of the first states to be under water. . . enjoy it while you can.
Yes, I stand corrected. . . the planet will continue to exist. I should have said that our way of life. . . and human life itself. . . is in grave danger.
Nancy N. says
DeSantis’s GOP has a long history of just simply banning the existence of things that they don’t believe in – black history, LGBTQ people – so why should climate change be any different?
Sherry says
Right On Nancy. . . I would add to your list “homeless people”. . . just pretend they don’t exist, or criminalize being poor and homeless, and lock them up. No Problem!
Now says
Now, if you people are so worried about planet earth, then why not complain about the real issue. Planes dumping poison every day, don’t take my word for it just look up. The Rockets, you idiots line up to watch, have more than doubled, in the past year, but I guess facts don’t really matter, in the world of snow flakes…
Sherry says
@now. . . those of us who are educated and concerned about Climate Change do understand that, in addition to numerous other pollutants, airplanes and rockets do negatively impact our “shared” environment.
What I don’t understand is why you feel the need to lash out and call people idiots and snow flakes. Are you really that negative and angry inside?
Rocket Man says
Oh boy, where do I even begin with this dumpster fire of a statement?
First off, the whole “planes dumping poison” thing? Yeah, that’s about as credible as a flat earther’s travel itinerary. Those “chemtrails” you’re so worried about? They’re just water vapor, my dude. But hey, I guess science is just a liberal hoax, right?
Now, let’s talk about your rocket obsession. Congrats, you can count! Gold star for you! Yes, rocket launches have increased, but saying they’ve “more than doubled in the past year” is like saying your IQ has doubled – technically possible, but highly unlikely.
Officials have projected that the 2024 total could reach an unprecedented 111 launches, led primarily by SpaceX Starlink missions. This would represent a 54% increase over the 72 launches in 2023.
And sure, rockets aren’t great for the environment, but compared to the pollution from your daily commute in that gas-guzzling monstrosity you call a car, they’re practically eco-friendly. But I guess that doesn’t fit your narrative, does it?
It’s hilarious that you’re calling others “snow flakes” when you’re the one melting down over some imaginary conspiracy. Here’s a thought – maybe, just maybe, people are worried about the planet because, oh I don’t know, we bleeping live on it?
But hey, don’t let pesky little things like facts and logic get in the way of your unhinged rant. You keep tilting at those windmills, Don Quixote. The rest of us will be over here in reality, actually trying to make a difference, or at minimum acknowledging reality…
In conclusion, your argument is about as solid as a house of cards in a hurricane. Maybe take a break from the tinfoil hat forums and crack open a science book sometime. Who knows, you might actually learn something! (But that’s doubtful with the whole I.Q. thing and and all)
https://www.factualamerica.com/blog/lists/pollution-documentaries https://aerospace.org/sites/default/files/2018-05/RocketEmissions_0.pdf https://spacenews.com/rocket-lab-reuses-engine-on-electron-launch/
https://repositorio.usp.br/directbitstream/ec48b101-71cc-49ee-89b9-dd253ecedce1/Camargo_JuanDavid_tcc.pdf https://www.atag.org/facts-figures.html https://everydayastronaut.com/rocket-pollution/
https://www.nature.org/en-us/what-we-do/our-priorities/tackle-climate-change/climate-change-stories/climate-change-frequently-asked-questions/
https://www.rainforest-alliance.org/everyday-actions/6-claims-made-by-climate-change-skeptics-and-how-to-respond/
Sherry says
Thanks so much, Rocket Man! I especially enjoyed your last paragraph!
jane doh says
Geoengineering is not a conspiracy theory. Just google it. Chemtrails (now they call it Stratospheric aerosol injection) have been going on for quite some time. Even your frootloop Gates is gonna try his hand at it by putting dirt into the atmosphere to block the sun. It’s odd you climate change people don’t protest him chopping down tree and burying them. But then you don’t protest the wind farms destroying the earth and ocean. You all pick and choose whatever enviro flavor-of the-day is popular.
Laurel says
jane doh: We know how fossil fuel is destructive, but please do tell me how “…wind farms are destroying the earth and ocean.”
jane doh says
Just Google “Damage from wind turbines” or sim. search and read for yourself like I did.
Laurel says
Jane doh: I searched “Are windmills harmful” and was completely underwhelmed.
jane doh says
Just Google environmental damage from wind turbines – something along those lines and read some of the research articles, like I did.
Big Bird says
I believe this is why we need to be as educated as possible. When you reach this level of thinking, you’re controlled very easy.
BTW.. Did you know that birds aren’t real? Look it up. All birds have been replaced with robotic birds the government sent to spy on us. They recharge by landing on power wires.
DaleL says
With climate change, there will be fewer snow flakes (quite literally less snow). You are correct that aircraft produce an inordinate amount of greenhouse gases per passenger mile and dump the CO2 and H2O high in the atmosphere where it affects the climate more than at ground level.
Actually the earth will be fine. It is all the creatures living on our planet which will have to adjust, or die.
The Voice Of Reason says
Embry Riddle and Phoenix East Aviation are flight schools based in Daytona Beach Airport area that spend every possible day, which is around 90% at Flagler Airport liberally dusting our Palm Coast neighborhoods with lead from the leaded fuel their planes use. Remember when cars used leaded fuel? Your childrens IQs get reduced by exposure to lead.
DaleL says
The aviation gasoline of the light planes does contain lead. I don’t know if dusting is the correct term, but the flight schools do contribute lead to our environment.
When I was a child, not only was automobile fuel leaded, so were some toys. I had a “tin” soldier metal casting kit. I melted the “tin” (50/50 tin and lead) and poured it into the molds. The resulting toys were very much lead. Dad cast his own lead sinkers for fishing. Later in life, I cast my own bullets for shooting. Lead was seemingly everywhere in the 1950s & 60s.
Lead is also bio-accumulated in some food plants more than others. Rice has been scrutinized as a source of dietary lead.
Perhaps one way to move away from leaded products faster would be to convince Republicans that lead makes children more likely to become liberals. However, all the research indicates it makes people the opposite, a bit less intelligent.
Tired of it says
So how is ignoring climate change going to help anything? At the rate we are going, with the damage we are doing to this planet, youb etter hope one of those rockets finds anioher habitable planet soon.
Nancy N. says
People used to invent gods to explain things they didn’t understand. Now they just invent conspiracy theories to explain them….
jane doh says
Don’t forget the cloud seeding (another form of geoengineering) that caused flooding in Dubai
FlaglerLive says
The cloud-seeding hypothesis is just that. There is no substantial evidence to suggest it caused the flooding.
Dennis E says
Really, I have a family relative who is a doctor in Saudi Arabia. She says the Saudi government regularly does cloud seeding making it rain in what would otherwise be a desert!
The comments in this thread are clearly indicative of the lack of legitimate research, particularly on the part of the author who is all bought in on the climate agenda. I suppose she will be all in for the up coming 15 minute cities as well.
But these people insist on expressing their opinion in absence of any real scientific facts!
It’s time you’ll get your heads out of the sand and start doing your own research, at least be those who are literate.
Pogo says
@Diane Roberts
Hey, y’all need ta stop pickin on that beautiful boy and find Jesus. Anyway, shouldn’t you be havin a new litter, and be learnin how to dig worms for bait, poop ice cream, and pee gasoline? Go on girl, for I git my belt.
The rest a ya squishy nerds learn what’s important…
If this ain’t heyven — I’ll divorce my sister!
https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=coal+roller
Marlee says
IF…if …this is in trump’s bible…..it must be true!!!!!!!!!
DaleL says
I’m going to respond mostly to the “Dumber than Texas”.
The choose energy website has some slightly different power percentage numbers for electricity production. According to them, wind and solar make up 25% of Texas power, not 30 to 40%. Florida has no significant electricity production from wind because Florida is not particularly a good location for wind generation. States such as Iowa and Kansas can get over half of their power from wind because they have both the right conditions and low populations (power needs). Florida gets 6% of electricity from solar versus Texas at less than 5%. Nuclear is reliable and produces no significant greenhouse gases. It contributes 13% of our power. That still leaves far too much Florida power being produced by “natural” gas. https://www.chooseenergy.com/data-center/electricity-sources-by-state/
That written, I refuse to believe that we are dumber than Texas, but that is not a high bar. At this stage we are definitely dumber than Georgia.
I drive an electric car not so much to save the planet, but rather because I really really like the smooth awesome acceleration.
Local double taxpayer says
There is a reason so many people are moving to florida. Other states allow use of just about any kind of drugs and permit homelessness everywhere. Now those states are cracking down on the homelessness and drug use. But don’t worry most of those people are moving here to get away from it already. Soon we will have a lot more homeless and a lot more drug addicts and a lot more traffic creating more greenhouse gases because people try to get anyway from it just to move here to change it to exactly like where they came from. Florida used to be a great state. It’s not Floridians that are bad , it’s the people that move here from outside of Florida to change things.
The Voice Of Reason says
How about the fish swimming around in circles down in the keys. I guess when you spent your summer in 100 degree water and you’re half cooked you’d swim in circles too. You should go down to the Keys Kelly and eat some of that fresh Florida seafood. Bon appetite!
jane doh says
The scientists are still investigating the cause. If you want to complain about the ocean, why not read about the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant. They are still discharging radioactive water (even though they claim it is treated)into the ocean and their containment tanks are corroding. No one ever brings up this or the fact they want to restart another one.
Laurel says
Jane doh: Is oil the only safe energy source in your world? You keep writing about different polluting sources. So, what’s your point?
Charles says
Welcome to Florida where a current Senator and also the now Governor doesn’t care about actual climate changes with scientific proof. And also, a Governor that discriminates against anyone that isn’t white and rich and also has a quack quack he appointed as surgeon general.
Yes Welcome to Florida.
Tired of it says
So how is ignoring climate change going to help? At the rate we are going, with the damage we ared oing to this planet, you better hope one of those rockets finds a habitable planet soon.
P. S. Bet you drive a big gas guzzler.
Edith Campins says
Climate change is real. Science proves it. Yes, there have been climate changes through out the life of the planet. What is different now is that man has accelerated the rate at which climate is changing beyond the planet’s ability to cope with it.
Endless dark money says
Scary, you know it’s bad when Rcons don’t even have a stance other than ignore for profits. Florida will be a toxic dumpster fire, enjoy your short lives and cancer treatments.
I’m hoping to open a tire repurposing plant on the canals in the c section.
Endangered species says
ExxonMobil pays well to protect profits. So sad they will kill the future of everything for made up money. Environmental ecology is woke apparently. We hit 2.5 degrees c last year 27 years early.
Downtown says
I find Climate Change hard to believe when I see politicians, Hollywood, industry movers and shakers buying beach front properties. When I see over 600 private jets leaving Las Vegas after the Super Bowl, not a one concerned with their Carbon Footprint. When I see Banks making 30 year loans to purchase water front property with no worry about rising seas flooding that property. When I read about Al Gore’s home burning more electricity than a block of normal two BR homes. When I see local government pouring billions into saving the beach when they should know it’s all going to disappear as the ocean spreads out to Interstate 95. How come this so called Climate Change only affects common folks who must adjust to save the planet? Climate Change is nothing but fear propaganda being used to control the population so the Green Agenda can be shoved down our throats. Thank goodness Florida has a Governor that understands this.
Nephew Of Uncle Sam says
Can I interest you in a bridge in Brooklyn?
Laurel says
How about swamp land in Florida (PC)?
uptown says
Because rcons push the narrative its on you to fix the planet via recycling or using less instead of them enacting legislation that actually does those things. You right though the wealthiest 10% of americans are responsible for around 50% of the pollution. Thats about 1 million time more than a person in a developing country. Big oil came up with this 40 years ago and still use it today. Endless growth on a finite planet is was and will continue to be impossible.. So i am safe to assume you have never read anything on environmental ecology or science as its too woke for ya? As anyone who has ever attended about any environmental science class knows this isnt fairy tales . we are the architects of our own demise. Greed won and you can believe the flat earth / fox talking points all you want but humans are killing the planet and everything on it for made up money. Rcons are so spineless they wont even acknowledge we are murdering everything as it may hurt the profits of their donors (oil). Enjoy the show!! Florida has a racist small man leading them that is a disgrace to human existence. So if he is your role model and what you want in leadership then you are sick and and mentally handicapped. Its obvious to me though that humans will fail to address this issue as money comes first and our children will be forced to try to survive in an ever-heating planet with billions of refugees fighting for dwindling resources. Now get back to work! no water breaks for you even if its already 98 degree out cause racist ron said so.
Bill C says
Might as well pass laws banning hurricanes and tornadoes.
Laurel says
Bill C: Trump wants to nuke ’em.
Skibum says
Wow, I’m so grateful that our “enlightened leaders” in Tallahassee were able to fix the huge and impactful, looming catastrophe of climate change on our planet simply by banning the use of its name. Such resourceful and forward-thinking problem solvers we have in the Florida GOP! Now, since they have showed all of us less fortunate brainiacs how to solve some of mankind’s most stubborn problems in the blink of an eye, let’s put their innovative approach to use and fix our wonder boy gov and his retards by simply refusing to acknowledge that they even exist. If only it were possible.
Joe D says
It’s SORT of POSSIBLE…it’s called E-L-E-C-T-I-O-N-S !
😉
Joe D says
Having survived SEVERAL serious Florida Storms/Hurricanes in the past 2 years, causing massive flooding on BOTH coasts, wind damage that have caused millions of dollars in weather related repairs, how could ANY COMPETENT person ignore the increase in serious storms , coastal ( and intracoastal) rising water levels, caused by increasing ocean temperatures (ie. CLIMATE CHANGE).
So let’s take the OSTRICH approach and stick our heads in the sand ( until it FLOODS), and pretend “all is well!”…as the water levels take more of our coastal landscape, and wind damage raises our Florida insurance rates to absolutely unaffordable rates….
Sounds like a SMART IDEA to me (hint, hint, that was SARCASM)!
Mister Bailey says
Our Climate is controlled by the Sun, NOT by humans.
One forest fire like the ones in Canada last summer can produce more “carbon emissions” than every car ever made in history on a daily basis.
If the “climate change” worshipers really want to make a difference maybe they should be investing in Fire Equipment
And the fact that whoever wrote this article came out swinging calling people names shows you how weak their argument This project has been referred to #3PhaseSC by the #SCSBDC to obtain Support and Funding for R&D!
I am seeking Endorsements for this project and letters of support or interest in seeing this project funded
If you represent an entity in a South Carolina Business, Energy, Environmental, Manufacturing, or Research Network I urge you to forward to me or Tyler at 3Phase a short official letter stating you would like to see the “Tritium Project” researched as an alternative to Lithium Ion
The Climate Change propaganda is designed to raise money for groups that want to control the world because they hate everything.
Pogo says
@MB
You neglected to note that apparently, the Sun, orbits you — a prisoner of your gravity.
Sherry says
@Pogo. . . Love your “snark”. . . LOL!
The trouble is “mb’s” gravity field has left him brainless and unable to comprehend it.
Laurel says
Mr. Bailey: Here’s the thing I fail to understand about climate deniers:
We live on a very small planet, with 8.1 billion people, tossing out garbage daily, piling it up and/or burning it, using resources, creating sewage, not to mention factories, autos, diesel trucks, mining, fracking, pumping oil, spilling oil, polluting nearly every water source there is, and you know I could go on and on, yet, you blame it on the sun!
Any kid, or adult, knows that if you have a fish tank, the water has to be filtered and changed, from an outside water source, on a regular basis, or your fish are gonna die. It won’t take very long, either. Has nothing to do with the sun, but waste.
The Earth will go on without us, but isn’t it sad to leave it for our children and grandchildren to experience this toxic leftover from the human desire to be rich right this minute?
Laurel says
PT :D