By Diane Roberts
Everything Ron DeSantis touches dies.
Or becomes diseased or deformed.
The governor’s not much different from the Palm Beach Pumpkin, his patron-turned-rival-turned-lord-and-master, whose regime Never Trumper Rick Wilson correctly noted was a hellscape of “blazing, white-hot embrace of actual, honest-to-God stupidity,” a condition “as contagious as smallpox and as fatal as Ebola.”
DeSantis was always a rage-hampered homunculus, but now that he’s been humiliated on the national stage and his presidential aspirations squashed like a palmetto bug, he’s only gotten angrier.
And he’s taking it out on Florida.
He imposed the vicious six-week abortion ban: Clearly, he doesn’t care how many women’s lives are ruined or health impaired by his forced-birth fetish.
He vetoed funding for museums, music programs, and arts organizations — part of his War on Culture — denying Floridians enriching experiences, encounters with beauty, and, in many cases, jobs.
He’s destroyed New College of Florida, once a home for the smart, arty kids who didn’t want the usual football, frats, and four-for-one shooters experience of going to university.
This formerly well-regarded institution is now in thrall to an over-paid, unqualified president and a gang of anti-education goons masquerading as “trustees.”
It’s been hard to avoid seeing pictures of New College library books thrown out on the sidewalk, but did you know DeSantis’ pudding-sticky fingerprints are also all over the mess at the University of Florida?
Until last month, UF was run by Ben Sasse, another over-paid, under-qualified president, a former U.S. senator from Nebraska who hadn’t the least clue about this state.
Sasse would never have been hired had he not been DeSantis’ pick. Right before Sasse was secretly anointed by UF’s toxic trustees, the governor described him as “a good candidate” and a “deep thinker on education policy.”
DeSantis said, “good candidate,” but meant “servile lackey.”
Mori makes his move
For his part, Sasse confused deep thinking with deep pockets: The guy spent like a drunken sailor, more than three times as much as his predecessor.
He hired multiple “vice presidents” and press flacks at lavish salaries, mostly his D.C. cronies, and threw millions at the management consultants McKinsey, his former employer.
Millions for what, exactly?
Another secret.
Thanks to top reporting from the Independent Florida Alligator, we know Sasse was forced out by Mori Hosseini, chairman of the UF trustees, a thuggish developer and big DeSantis donor who sees the university as his personal fiefdom.
Yes, Sasse’s wife has serious health problems. But this is about power. Hosseini didn’t like Sasse going around him to forge relationships with Tallahassee power brokers, even if Sasse was once DeSantis’ fair-haired boy.
If it’s Sasse versus Hosseini, Hosseini wins. No way the governor is going to mess with the guy who flies him and the missus around on private jets and installed a $28,000 “golf simulator” in the mansion.
Now DeSantis is demanding an investigation into UF’s fiscal funny business while claiming he was not “involved necessarily” in hiring Sasse.
He wants us to believe this higher-ed train wreck isn’t his fault.
That big cyber attack on the state health department, the one that sent people’s social security numbers and patient information out onto the dark web?
Not his fault, either.
Florida’s insurance crisis?
Not his problem.
If a big storm blows your town off the map, stop whining. The space might become a nice golf course.
The governor likes golf.
Golf courses, ‘lodges’
Nevertheless, he wants to make sure you know he definitely, positively had nothing whatsoever to do with the “Great Outdoors Initiative,” a boneheaded attempt to trash nine of our most beloved state parks.
The plan was to build large hotels, pickleball courts, and golf courses on state-owned critical habitat and conservation lands from Biscayne Bay to Grayton Beach.
The scale of this proposed desecration was breathtaking: 350-room “lodges” at Topsail Hill Preserve, a deliriously beautiful and rare coastal ecosystem in Santa Rosa, and on Anastasia Island, home of the endangered (and extremely cute) Anastasia Island Beach Mouse, as well as three golf courses in Jonathan Dickinson State Park in Hobe Sound.
Golf courses are environmental poison, requiring huge amounts of water, fertilizer (which helps generate all that smelly blue-green algae choking our lakes and rivers), and pesticides.
There are 1,250 golf courses in Florida, more than any other state.
Who was stupid enough to think this is a good idea?
That would be Ron DeSantis and the lickspittles at his DEP — Department of Environmental Prostitution.
When Floridians heard about this atrocity, the ca-ca hit the fan. People demonstrated at Oleta River State Park, Dickinson, Honeymoon Island, Anastasia Island, and others, telling the state to back the hell off and keep their venal paws off the parks.
Tuck tail
A number of DeSantis’ fellow Republicans, including state Cabinet members and U.S. senators rarely notable for their interest in the environment, saw which way the wind was blowing, and, loath to kiss their political careers goodbye, climbed on some very high horses to demand DEP dump this crap plan.
Even the notoriously clueless Rick Scott expressed shock and dismay, which is a bit rich, given that while he was governor Scott thought the state should build roads and other infrastructure on lovely Honeymoon Island State Park so RVs could swarm the place.
Suffice it to say Floridians were unimpressed and, terrified of all those citizens lobbing verbal grenades, he retreated.
DeSantis has likewise retreated.
During a news conference with the deranged sheriff of Polk County (a guy who claims “millions” of immigrants are invading Florida to kill your children), DeSantis declared the “Great Outdoors Initiative” was no more, not happening, at least not right now.
Probably.
Anyway, you can’t point the finger at him. He had nothing to do with it — even though he met with one of the developers a mere five months ago.
The dubious outfit behind the proposed Jonathan Dickinson golf courses calls itself “Folds of Honor” and somehow links golf, God, and the flag.
Obviously not pleased with the bad publicity, they’ve now withdrawn from the project, leaving DeSantis blaming absolutely everyone except himself.
“I didn’t approve it,” he said, and he never even saw DEP’s plan, which he called “half-baked,” and hilariously insisted some sinister person had leaked it to “a very left-wing group to try to create a narrative that somehow, you know, the state park is going to become a big parking lot or something like that” to grab media attention.
Nihilists, despoilers
That very left-wing group would be his own Department of Environmental Prostitution, which put it up on its website.
DeSantis flacks Jeremy Redfern and Bryan Griffin (two embarrassing and indefensible drains on the public purse) amplified and defended it.
When Floridians from all parts of the state and every political persuasion rose up and objected to their moronic “Great Outdoors,” DEP huffed, “There is A LOT of confusion out there about the 2024-25 Great Outdoors Initiative & our efforts to increase public access, recreation & lodging throughout @FLStateParks. We love #TheRealFlorida as much as you do … .”
Actually, no: We are not confused. DEP does not love our parks. Nor does Ron DeSantis. They can cite Teddy Roosevelt till they’re blue in the face, but that does not mean they’re conservationists.
They’re despoilers.
It’s no secret who’s behind all this: Ron DeSantis. He is, as Republican state Sen. Joe Gruters says, “responsible for everything his agencies do, and he’s a very hands-on governor.”
“Great Outdoors” would never have made it out of the room if he hadn’t said at least a provisional yes.
Now he wants to take credit for sending the plan, as he says, “back to the drawing board.”
Don’t, for God’s sake, give it to him.
“Great Outdoors” is dead for now. But in Florida, bad ideas never really go away. They just go dormant until the nihilists who run this state think nobody is watching.
Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books.
Jan says
Diane Roberts is THE BEST!
Tom Hutson says
Diane Roberts,
I first want to let you know I agree with all of your comments regarding our wannabe replacement for Daddy Warbucks . As I have stated several times when writers use 50 dollar words like homunculus that most of us don’t know the meaning of ; and have to google it to see what you are talking about . When you could have just said he is an A- – hole of a little person and a legend in his own mind!
Jane Gentile Youd says
It’s time to vote for people as individuals not which party they belong to! Adam Morley is a registered Democrat who helped squash this latest insane corrupt DeSatan sweetheart dream to steal our land.
The best way to stop this theft and greed is to study the records and accomplishments of those running for State Rep. Adam Morley has a long track record as a citizen which no other candidate for State Representative has. I don’t care if he joins the pink party he has my vote and I hope you will vote for him. I am an R who is going to vote for a D.
Thank you Adam for all your help to win us a reprieve; if you are elected we know we have a chance to save our precious land.
sad says
Why are those that saw this “sham” of a man right off, been bashed for seeming “woke” or “democratic” or “what ever”. It should be quite human to recognize someone who wants to control you, the narrative, and their existence in the future. It should be quite human to see how a person can gain control over others from— I won’t say, but any women who has been beaten, lied to, etc. sees it the “next time” it presents. The fact that his wife made a commercial thanking her husband for taking care of HER children while she went through chemo for cancer just kind’a shows you what he wants to be recognized for. He is the father; why wouldn’t he care for them while his wife went through treatments. Did he post a video on how he braided his daughter’s hair? Made breakfast for the littles? Nope- he either missed a really good gobble up the stupid advert moment or he didn’t do any of that (someone did it for him) or………..it just makes me sad.
John Stove says
Dumbsantis has Short Man Syndrome…..a need to be in charge of everything and to tell us how to live our lives according to him. This imbecilic moron comes from the same cut of cloth as their Dear Leader the orange face lying buffoon who soon will be relegated to the history books under the section of “worst public officials”.
Trumpo, Dumbsantis and the MAGA party are circling the drain and people are no longer believing their BS about “not knowing” anything about a plans, initiatives etc
Real FREEDOM……comes from listening to the people you serve and not pursuing ways to increase your political power or your bank account.
Jane K says
Thank you Diane for always revealing the truth about bonehead FL governor and his cronies.
BrentJ says
Thank you again, Diane. Let’s also keep in mind his tactics surrounding the abortion amendment: https://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics-government/article292061625.html. Using state funds to create a task force to sniff out election fraud that didn’t exist in 2020 nor 2022 and now funnel even more tax-payers money to his cronies on the task force to pay a visit to those who might think differently on this issue. Towing the line of voter intimidation and election interference this task force was designed to curb in the first place. Sure seems like the fox watching the hen house. November 5 can’t come soon enough for me.
Steve says
Petty fickle and thin skinned. The wannabe is the worst Governor in my 40 plus years in Florida.
Michael J Cocchiola says
This is life under a fascist regime.
My only joy in living here under this dark cloud is that DeSatan will never become president.
Samuel says
He is a loser and has failed the State of Florida over and over again. Karma has finally caught up with him.
Skibum says
Here’s the latest way that our horrible gov is upset and taking it out on Florida citizens, just as Diane Roberts warned. DeSantis must already see the writing on the wall for the upcoming Amendment 4, the abortion measure. Local news stations are reporting that he has sent FL state police out to “interview” citizens who signed petitions that were gathered in certain, largely democratic districts here in the state. No matter that election officials have already validated the signatures to ensure they were from legitimate registered voters. I wonder what questions still need to be asked and what the gov’s orders were surrounding how the questioning of those who signed those petitions will take place since the idiot gov and the gerrymandered legislature are dead set against having this state amendment pass, despite the fact that it has broad support and is expected to become law.
Sally says
He wouldn’t even get elected as Governor again. Everything he does fails. Another loser wanting to impose Project 2025.
Deborah Coffey says
Oh, Diane, you DO have a talent. I really needed a good laugh this morning following a week of umpteen pundits telling Kamala Harris what to do and not do at the debate. Thank you. Don’t ever stop writing!
Laurel says
Aw, but “homunculus” is hilarious!
Laurel says
JGY: What is the “pretty pink party”?
We’ve heard quite a bit about Adam Morely, he is the current River Keeper. We want to talk to him, as he seems to be a good candidate.
Laurel says
Steve: Well, him and Rick Scott in my 72 years in Florida.
Laurel says
I sincerely believe both DeSantis and Trump suffer from narcissism. There is nothing new to this claim, and it is widely accepted by Trump’s followers. Ed P believes Trump has “a healthy dose of narcissism.” If you go to the Mayo Clinic website (an apolitical website, strictly medical), click on “Medical Diseases & Conditions”, “N”, “Narcissistic Personality Disorder”, you will find the following:
“Overview
Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.
A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial matters. People with narcissistic personality disorder may be generally unhappy and disappointed when they’re not given the special favors or admiration that they believe they deserve. They may find their relationships troubled and unfulfilling, and other people may not enjoy being around them.
Treatment for narcissistic personality disorder centers around talk therapy, also called psychotherapy.
Narcissistic personality disorder affects more males than females, and it often begins in the teens or early adulthood. Some children may show traits of narcissism, but this is often typical for their age and doesn’t mean they’ll go on to develop narcissistic personality disorder.”
We do not want, or need, this type of personality to run our state, country or lives. Narcissism is a true mental disorder.
Trump now claims he will go after lawyers and donors if he becomes President. He has written this on Truth Social. So, if you donate to your preferred party, you will be in trouble with his regime. Sound like America to you? This, you will vote for?
Endless dark money says
Yet it seems lots of Florida people love the boot licking racist and his treasonous policies.