By Diane Roberts
“I LOVE THE TEN COMMANDMENTS IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS, PRIVATE SCHOOLS, AND MANY OTHER PLACES.” — Donald Trump on Truth Social
The great state of Louisiana wants to put the Ten Commandments up in classrooms.
Have you read them? Incredible stuff.
The Commandments are the greatest.
God wrote them. Most people don’t know that.
God has the best words. Like me.
God is a good friend of mine, right up there with Xi, Putin, Kim Jong Un, all the greats.
We talk a lot. He’s always saying, “Sir, you are the greatest president I’ve seen in my 26.7 billion years.”
God’s like family. Says I remind him of his son.
Jesus was King of the Jews; many, many people are saying I’m the “King of Israel.”
Jesus was persecuted; Trump is persecuted.
People don’t realize they tortured me in the Fulton County Jail.
The corrupt Soros-cops wouldn’t allow my stylist in before they TOOK MY MUGSHOT.
Like I told the Faith and Freedom Coalition (great people), “If I took this shirt off you’d see a beautiful, beautiful person, but you’d see wounds all over me. I’ve taken a lot of wounds.”
You know who else took a lot of wounds? Jesus.
Somebody said to me the other day, “You’re the most famous person in the world, by far.”
I said, “No, I’m not.” They said, “Yes, you are.”
I said, “No.” They said, “Who’s more famous?”
I said, “Jesus Christ.”
I’m not saying I’m the same as Jesus. He didn’t own even one very tall beautiful building.
But like I told the Faith people (great Americans), I have more wounds than any other president, even Abraham Lincoln, who I also resemble.
Fore!
Back to the Commandments. I love them all. But some people want to take them away from us and destroy our beautiful religion.
Not Trump. The Commandments are the best.
Most of them.
Numbers I and II are good. I like the stuff about thou shalt not have any gods before me, which obviously means ME, Trump.
Also, maybe Jesus.
The not-worshiping any graven images is OK.
Unless it’s a beautiful portrait of me.
People get Number IV wrong: They think keeping the Sabbath holy means going to church, but that’s fake news.
People play golf on Sunday. Golf courses are sacred.
Especially Trump National Bedminster. Ivana, my Eastern European starter wife (we call her the “First Ex”) is buried there. She had a beautiful life, especially when she did exactly as I told her.
Her grave is near the first tee. Beautiful real estate. Worth millions.
Anyone can buy a plot there and spend eternity in New Jersey, which many people are doing. There’s a combined mausoleum and wedding chapel too.
Bedminster is now legally a cemetery, so I get a nice tax break. Smart.
Commandment V is a no-brainer. You bet I honor my father. My mother, too, but Dad’s the one who gave me that small, million-dollar loan that helped me become New York’s sexiest billionaire reality TV star.
The “thou shalt not kill” thing in VI is OK, too, except some people — BLM, Antifa, Mike Pence, maybe most Palestinians — deserve to get whacked.
I need to get in on Jared’s idea of moving the Palestinians to the Negev desert and developing Gaza’s beachfront property.
I’m a stable real estate genius.
Maybe a little adultery
Number VII is a big problem. I got on to God and said, OK, sure, don’t commit adultery, but shouldn’t there be some amendments, like what if your wife just had a baby, which everyone knows is gross, and some hot porn star who looks like your very voluptuous daughter is ready and willing?
Or what if you’ve only been married for a couple of years and you’re still deciding whether you want to trade her in for a newer model, and you meet this Playboy Bunny at the Playboy Mansion (totally not your fault) and, seeing how beautiful you are, totally throws herself at you?
While we’re on the subject, a lot of people have problems with the not-stealing and not-lying.
(God’s great, but He doesn’t understand business.)
Commandment X is garbage. No offense God, but it’s a disaster. A big disaster. Totally rigged.
It says “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey.”
I’m saying to God, “I don’t care about the servants and the donkey — who wants somebody’s farm animals? They stink.”
But this is some Marxist Communist woke crapola. If people don’t covet their neighbor’s house or wife, the whole economy goes to hell.”
You see your neighbor’s house: It’s got an Olympic-sized pool with a fountain, nice toilets with a strong flush, and a lot of marble.
You see your neighbor’s wife, who’s a young and beautiful piece of ass.
You need to make a lot of money if you want to buy those things.
So, you get into the casino business and build some really beautiful tall towers in Manhattan and leverage the hell out of them and take out huge loans.
That’s capitalism.
Addenda
Maybe we don’t terminate the old commandments (even though some of them are garbage) but why not add some better ones? Who says we only get ten?
When I’m back in the White House, I’ll give America new commandments. Everyone will say they’re the best commandments.
How about Trump-mandments like:
- Thou shalt drill for oil on every piece of available land, except near Mar-a-Lago?
- Thou shalt not let the poor have stuff for free?
- Thou shalt not take the name of Trump in vain?
My Justice Department will bring back stoning for anyone who breaks our beautiful supersized 10+ Commandments.
Stoning is a major, major thing in the Bible, especially in the Trump MAGA Lee Greenwood Proud To Be An American Ditch NATO Bible (the best Bible, $59.99).
God said it was good.
Diane Roberts is an 8th-generation Floridian, born and bred in Tallahassee. Educated at Florida State University and Oxford University in England, she has been writing for newspapers since 1983, when she began producing columns on the legislature for the Florida Flambeau. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Times of London, the Guardian, the Washington Post, the Oxford American, and Flamingo. She has been a member of the Editorial Board of the St. Petersburg Times–back when that was the Tampa Bay Times’s name–and a long-time columnist for the paper in both its iterations. She was a commentator on NPR for 22 years and continues to contribute radio essays and opinion pieces to the BBC. Roberts is also the author of four books.
Pogo says
@Diane Roberts
Thanks for the bump start for cocktail party small talk.
Sherry says
@ Diane Roberts
Love! Love! Love! Your “smart ass”!!!!
Sherry says
This from Heather Cox Richardson regarding “Project 2025” which trump first says he knows nothing about, and then says he doesn’t agree with some parts of it:
But for all of what independent journalists are calling a “feeding frenzy,” egged on by right-wing media figures, it seems as if the true implications of Project 2025 are starting to gain traction and the Trump campaign recognizes that the policies that document advocates are hugely unpopular.
On July 2, Heritage Foundation president Kevin Roberts assured Trump ally Steve Bannon’s followers that they are winning in what he called “the second American Revolution, which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be.” In March, Roberts told former Trump administration official and now right-wing media figure Sebastian Gorka about Project 2025: “There are parts of the plan that we will not share with the Left: the executive orders, the rules and regulations. Just like a good football team we don’t want to tip off our playbook to the Left.”
This morning, although Roberts has described Project 2025 as “institutionalizing Trumpism,” Trump’s social media feed tried to distance the former president from Project 2025. “I know nothing about Project 2025. I have no idea who is behind it,” the post read. Despite this disavowal of any knowledge of the project, it continued: “I disagree with some of the things they’re saying and some of the things they’re saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal. Anything they do, I wish them luck, but I have nothing to do with them.”
In what appeared to be a coordinated statement, the directors of Project 2025 wrote on social media less than two hours later that they “do not speak for any candidate.”
Aside from the fact that “[a]nything they do, I wish them luck,” sounds much like the signaling Trump did to the Proud Boys when he told them to “stand back and stand by,” Trump’s assertion and Project 2025’s response can’t possibly erase the many and deep ties of the Trump camp to Project 2025. Juliet Jeske of Decoding Fox News noted that Trump’s name shows up on more than 190 pages of the Project 2025 playbook.
Rebekah Mercer, who sits on the board of the Heritage Foundation, was one of Trump’s top donors in 2016; her family founded and operated Cambridge Analytica, the company that misused the data of millions of Facebook users to push pro-Trump and anti-Clinton material in 2016. Trump’s national press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, has appeared in a Project 2025 video. Trump’s own super PAC has been running ads promoting Project 2025, calling it “Trump’s Project 2025,” and many of its policies—killing the Department of Education, erasing the separation of church and state, ending renewable energy programs and ramping up use of fossil fuels, deporting immigrants—are also Trump’s.
Project 2025’s director, Paul Dans, as well as both of its associate directors, Spencer Chretien and Troup Hemenway, were in charge of personnel in Trump’s White House, and the theme of Project 2025 is that “people are policy,” by which they mean that hand-picked loyalists must replace civil servants. Trump’s former body man John McEntee, who reentered the White House as a senior advisor after having to leave because he failed a background check, was in charge of hiring in the last months of the Trump White House; he helped to draft Project 2025. Key Trump ally Russell Vought wrote the section of Project 2025 that called for an authoritarian leader; he is also on the platform committee of the Republican National Convention.
If indeed Trump knows nothing about Project 2025 and has no idea who is behind it, his cognitive ability is rotten. As former chair of the Republican National Committee Michael Steele wrote, “Since [Project 2025] is designed to institutionalize Trumpism and you know nothing about it, then why do you echo some of its policy priorities during your rallies? Coincidence? And how exactly don’t you know that Project 2025 Director Paul Dans served as your chief of staff at the Office of Personnel Management, and Associate Director Spencer Chretien served as your special assistant and associate director of presidential personnel? And folks say we should be worried about Biden.”
Trump’s attempt to distance himself from Project 2025 indicates just how toxic that plan is with voters. As political scientist Ian Bremmer dryly noted, it seems that “the second American revolution apparently is not polling as well as the first in internal focus groups.” Former Republican strategist Rick Wilson was even more direct, saying that Trump was trying to distance himself from Project 2025 because “most of it polls about like Ebola,” the deadly virus that causes severe bleeding and organ failure, and has a mortality rate of 80 to 90%.
Hey zuses says
Thou shall not disclose yee tax returniths .. EVER
Lie unto others as you’ve lied to others beforith you.
No other god shall cometh before Teumpeth.
You shall not commit un due sins on capital.. and if you do, I pardoneth youeth
No one is allowed to make fun of my orange face. Period the end.
Sherry says
Great Heyzuses!
How’s about these additions:
11. Thou Shalt Not Switch From FOX Ever
12. Thou Shalt Not Ask Your God Trump For Facts or the Truth
13. Thou Shalt Not Covet Ivanka, for You God Trump Has First Dibs
14. Thou Shalt Not Speak Well of Stormy Daniels or Michel Cohen for They Are Evil Doers
15. Thou Shall Contribute All Your Worldly Goods to Your Lord Trump, For He Alone Will House and Cloth You
16. Thou Shall Worship Your Lord Trump and Praise His Name
17. Thou Shall Willingly Offer Up Your Freedom in the Place of Your God Trump, as His Transgressions Were “Witch Hunt” persecutions.
18. Thou Shall Bleach You Skin “White” in Order to Be Accepted into Lord Trump’s Nation
Watcher says
Project 2025 lol.
You’re going to love this:
https://thedocuments.info/Payload/Outline%20of%20the%20Blueprint%20by%20Derek%20Johnson.pdf
Greg says
You’re a sick person. God will remember that
Jackson says
You might be surprised how many progressives have firearms. Good ones, too, as any prosperous professional might want. The extreme rightwing likes to indulge in fantasies about slaughtering their neighbors, but they are unlikely to find their courage or the opportunity unchallenged.
JC says
Coming from Donald Trump. Who broke every one of God’s Ten’s Commandments!
Jane E K says
Thank you Diane Robert’s .
Sherry says
An Email from an artist friend with great insight into the “dystopian” world we are living in, and faced with in the near future:
The world is indeed in deep shit : wars, senseless killings, culture war, legitimate science being replaced with pseudoscience and superstition, authoritarianism and fascism on the rise, and on and on, too many to mention. It is this tragic state of affairs that gives rise to a pathological liar, a deceiver, a con artist buffoon, and a malignant narcissist such as Donald Trump. He’s not the disease. He’s the symptom. The disease is America’s intellectual torpor, emotional constipation, moral bankruptcy, and divorce from reality. It is that kind of disease that vomits a monstrosity such as Donald Trump.
What really terrifies me about the today’s world is that it was predicted by the English author Aldous Huxley about a century ago. He’s the one who wrote the world-famous dystopian novel, BRAVE NEW WORLD. A couple of decades or so after that another English author, George Orwell published another dystopian novel titled 1984. A few decades after that, professor Neil Postman of New York university made an extremely chilling and trenchant comparison between Orwell’s 1984 and Huxley’s Brave New World. I won’t go down the whole list. It’ll take too long; but what professor Postman said was something like, ‘Orwell feared those who would ban books. Huxley feared that there would be no need to ban books because hardly anybody would be reading them. Orwell feared that we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared that we would become a trivial culture. Orwell feared that truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared that truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance.’ It is so disconcerting to see that everything Huxley predicted and feared has come to pass. More than ever before we live in a fictitious reality. A prime example of that is Fox News bubble or echo chamber.
Laurel says
Well, the problem with that “Fox News Bubble” is that MSNBC and CNN are not much different. Think about it. If Trump were to lose and simply disappear (yeah, I know) what would they talk about? No matter what *side* a person may be on, the ratings are the most important thing to the networks. Now, there are a ton of *news* platforms on social media and YouTube. All don’t give a damn about anything but ratings, and the money that follows it. If Trump were to win (yeah, I know) he would start the persecution of all media that disagrees with him, the new Big Brother. You bet that these same social media and news platforms would be competing to be the new state TV, just like the Republicans, who dislike Trump, are completing to be VP.
I like to believe that PBS, NPR and AP would continue to function as real news, along with our friends at Flagler Live!