By Jill Richardson
I’ve been seeing memes online advocating shaming people who aren’t wearing masks. Please don’t.
If you see someone in a store without a mask, talk to the store instead of bothering the customer. There are two reasons why.
First, your bigger problem isn’t the person – it’s the store. What are their procedures? Ask them and find out. If they aren’t doing enough to keep their customers safe, you may sensibly choose not to shop there.
Second, it’s true: The person with no mask may be an able-bodied person who has decided the rules don’t apply to them. But they also might be a disabled person who is doing their best. Harassing them about a mask they’re unable to wear is harmful.
I’m disabled. I can’t wear a mask. If you saw me in public, there’s a lot more to the story you wouldn’t have seen.
You wouldn’t have seen me staying home, alone, trying to avoid people so that when I do go into public without a mask, I’ve minimized the chance that I’ve got any germs to spread. You wouldn’t have seen me making every possible attempt to obtain what I needed online, at curbside, or by delivery.
You wouldn’t have seen the things I simply do without when I can’t get them that way. Did you know that stores that offer curbside pickup or delivery sometimes don’t offer it for every item?
You wouldn’t know I live alone and nobody else could run the errand for me. If I’m in that store, it’s because I couldn’t find a way to avoid it.
You wouldn’t have seen me call the store in advance, explain that I can’t wear a mask because of my disability, and ask what they wanted me to do. You probably didn’t know that I was following their procedures.
Maybe you didn’t notice how much I’m trying to avoid talking or opening my mouth while I’m in the store.
You don’t know how bad I feel every time I have to ask for accommodations just to exist in public spaces. I feel like I’m cheating by asking to play by different rules than everyone else.
You don’t know about the decades I spent going to doctors, getting misdiagnosed, and never getting the treatment I needed. Or the years I spent asking for disability accommodations at work and school or from friends, only for them to treat me like I’m just doing it to inconvenience them.
Between asking for an accommodation and just going home, I’d rather go home. But sometimes there’s stuff I just need to go out and buy.
Having a disability is painful enough without also trying to convince other people you’re telling the truth about it. I know when I go out now that people are looking at me and judging me. They assume I don’t believe in science or I don’t care about their health, and neither is true.
If you can wear a mask, you should. And if you’re spreading fact-free, anti-mask propaganda, you should stop. But please, before you challenge or shame someone who isn’t wearing a mask, consider that they might be disabled. If you’re in a store, talk to someone who works there instead.
Your safety is important. But there’s a more compassionate way to stay safe than bullying a disabled person.
Jill Richardson is the author of “Recipe for America: Why Our Food System Is Broken and What We Can Do to Fix It.” She is a columnist for OtherWords.org.
Shirley says
I have severe breathing problems from COPD but I manage to wear a mask. It is extremely difficult to breath while wearing a mask so please don’t ask me to annoy a poor sales clerk. You are responsible for your actions towards me.
Stacey says
So convienient they never stated what disability they have that makes them unable to wear a mask! Its a load of crap thats why. There is no handicap that would cause someone to not be able to wear a mask. If you see something say something. If you can not follow guidelines do to health, you should find other ways , period!
Lou says
Someone should suggest to this very well educated person to use a “face shield” to protect others.
mark101 says
“”First, your bigger problem isn’t the person – it’s the store. “”. Correct. if a store doesn’t support wearing a mask or sanitizing I walk out. ITs that simple. Its difficult to trust people you don’t even know with your health. .
Linda Hoffman says
What about the clear plastic face coverings? would they work?
EndTheInsanity says
The same can be said about non-mask wearers to mask wearers. I was in ABC liqueor and standing on the socially distanced mark when a man came up and stood so close to me I could feel his body heat. Clearly he ignored the social distancing mark on the floor. When I asked him to step back I endured harassment about my paranoia, fear, and so on. I retorted that I didn’t want to catch his Trump virus, although I heard there was a cure, common sense. So the bullying goes both ways.
Honestly, I don’t care if you wear a mask or not. I don’t know you from the next person in line at Publix or the gas station. I won’t say a word to you because that’s your choice to live and die as you like. It’s your body ALL the time after all, just like it’s my body ALL the time, so why don’t we ALL stop telling each other what we can and cannot do with our OWN bodies. And yes, that includes abortion. For all this self-righteous talk about “my body, my choice,” there is a hypocrite living inside ready to pounce on a woman’s right to chose and yes, this is relevant in all this “my choice” talk. It also includes transitioning, and gay marriage, and the right to die peacefully under your own terms if you so desire. These are all things that no one should tell another that they can and cannot do because it’s not THEIR life or THEIR body.
Wear a mask, don’t wear a mask, I have no personal investment in either of your choosing. I’m not a hypocrite. I don’t want YOU telling ME what I can and cannot do with MY life, so why would I concern myself with telling anyone else what they can or cannot do? Here’s a concept, why don’t we ALL stop telling each other what we can and cannot do with bodies and lives not your own. Living your life and letting me live mine, wow, how refreshing.
Carol says
First of all, some stores are not refusing people entry without a mask, because people these days are crazy and they don’t want to pit their employees in danger by getting killed or hurt telling a customer they cannot enter a store because they don’t have a mask on. Secondly, if science and fake money hungry Fauci are correct in saying that masks protect people from the virus, then why are all these make wearing people getting the virus? You still have cross contamination.
Percy's mother says
What a vicious post from Stacey.
I’m assuming Stacey is a top-notch epidemiologist, and as well, a high tier medical health professional whose medical specialty is cardiovascular and respiratory issues.
deb says
. Its your choice in your own business, but its not your choice when in someones else’s. And they would most likely ask you to take your business elsewhere.
ASF says
Here is the cold hard operative fact: If public doesn’t start doing what it needs to do to get this virus under control voluntarily and, as a result, the virus blooms more and more out of control, this “debating” will no longer matter. There will be MANDATORY mask-wearing orders at a certain critical point–a situation that we will have brought on ourselves. So, any individual can feel however they choose but reality is reality. The option of wearing a plastic shield face covering might be a better option for people with conditions that make it more prohibitive to wear a mask against their skin, mouth or nose. There is no “special condition” that makes any one person immune to reality. Deciding what needs to be done to place one’s own personal reality in line with the reality demanded by conditions that exist in the outside world is what each and everyone of us need to focus on–man, woman and child.
William says
She’s probably not (a medical professional that is)! But she is quoting the numerous health professionals and epidemiologists that explain there are no handicaps that would prevent you from wearing a mask or similar covering, that do not also prevent you from driving to the store or shopping for yourself. If they has trouble breathing, there are face shields that can be used as a substitute. You may look silly, but you are acting to love and respect your neighbor and community! :)
Richard says
There is a BIG difference between “can’t and won’t” As one person pointed out there are face shields available to those that “can’t or won’t” wear a face mask.
Nancy N. says
People who wear masks get the virus for the same reasons that people who use birth control sometimes get pregnant. First, it’s not 100% effective, which means there is a failure rate. And second, there’s user error – not using it correctly also causes failure.
Sherry says
We use plastic transparent face shields (with masks). . . those “shields” could most certainly be used by anyone with any breathing difficulty because they sit out from the nose and mouth and do not impede air flow in any way. They are also extremely easy to put on and take off as there is a wide elastic bank that fits around the head. Trailer Bob has been extolling the virtues of these shields for months in his often thoughtful comments.
Therefore, it would seem that it would be extremely rare that any person able bodied enough to physically go inside a store or business would be “physically” unable to use some kind of face covering to protect their neighbors.
Our observation is that there are 10-15% of customers in places like Publix who “still” seem to be “choosing” to endanger others “needlessly”. . . . because of their selfish, stubborn political perspective. In addition, Publix often seems to be lax in enforcing their own policies.
Consider the possibility that IF our Federal and State and County governments exhibited “leadership” and implemented the public safety “mandates” we all know would lower our risk of illness and death, we would not be tempted to “bully” anyone because we would all we “UNITED” in defeating this lethal Pandemic and getting our country running again. What a Concept!!!!
Concerned Citizen says
This virus has caused the darker side of humanity to come out in non flattering ways.
I work a good bit on my own as a maintenance technician and out in the open. IE parking lots and pool decks. I am able to DO MY PART in social distancing and see no need to wear a mask. However as soon as I go into a store or office building I wear one. Because it’s the right thing to do.
The other day I had been in a parking lot for a good bit picking up trash and debris and it was extrmemly hot. I noticed a gentleman (using the term loosely) go out of his way to approach me. He had a mask in his hand and stuck it in my face insisting I wear it. Naturally it got ugly but I had to be careful in my response because I was in uniform. By the time it was over he was in my face and I had to deal with his rude wife as well.
I explained to him that he was the one violating social distancing and being out of line and I actually thought he was going to hit me. At some point someone had called the manager who finally came out and told him to leave.
The point of this story is everyone needs to mind their own busniess. There are those of us out there busting our asses trying to keep things clean and safe for other people. And we are working long days doing it. Unless you wear a badge and are sworn to uphold the law you have no right to make me do anything.
Finally, Let’s just be nice to each other. Kindness and respect are free. And it goes a long way in dealing with this situation. If you chosse to be an agressive asshat just keep in mind you don’t know what type of day that person has had. If you can’t be nice then leave them alone.
Maggie says
Right. Which is yet another reason for people to MYOB and stop policing others. If we were talking about something that was proven, that would be one thing. But we’re not.
Maggie says
Thank you! If you’re not carrying a badge, back off, and go away. Seriously, I tire of th “but you’re endangering others” NO. Not if you don’t see anybody within 6 feet of me? No? Then BACK OFF. Don’t like my attitude? Go tattle to the store manager and let them handle it. It’s not YOUR JOB.
Trailer Bob says
I wear a face mask as needed also. I don’t know why more people don’t choose to use one. At least you can still breath and you are also protecting your eyes from contamination. Clean it often with alcohol. Makes sense to me.
Trailer Bob says
When you choose to have an abortion, you are also making a decision for another living being…the baby. Sounds a little hypocritical…you are killing another living human. Love how you think…
Trailer Bob says
If you knew me, I talk too much to wear a mask…lol. Have a great day Sherry.
Stan says
Its actually everbodys job to keep themselves and loved ones safe. If you are anywhere that is Public and outdoors, be it a parking lot or the beach , you wear a mask, if not then surely someone concerned for thier own safety has every right to tell you to take you and your dangerous ways and attitude else where. The virus that lives in your spit has been proven to travel much further than 6 feet, even up to 30′ . Also if you are wearing a “gator” style face covering it only makes the it worse and should not be used.
Agkistrodon says
So, if I see someone smoking tobacco in public is it okay for me to take their cigarettes away, cause I am just so worried about their health? Or if I see someone, who is overweight and eating fast food, should I intervene so they dont further endanger their health, cause it is my duty to ensure they are healthy right? I am glad so many people care about others round here in flagler, why just the other day I had two flats while driving. All those caring helpful people stopped to help and ensure my health, as I am old and changing tires could give me a coronary. Yep all NONE of those caring people stopped to help. But a traveler from Texas stopped and helped, even commented on how no one else had stopped to help. I said yeah, cause they are so damn caring…….
Concerned Citizen says
OK I’m confused.
Are we or are we not in the middle of a life threatning pandemic? A pandemic that has society pitted against each other over mask wearing and social distancing? A pandemic that’s so deadly it’s killed thousands?
Well it didn’t show at all when I passed the soccer field on Roberts Road tonight ( Tuesday Aug 25th). I saw zero mask wearing and zero social distancing. Food trucks serving food and adults congregating in large groups tightly together. And kids running around hugging on each other. I thought there was all this uproar about school sports in Flagler County. And concern for kids going back to school?
We either need to do the right thing (if there is such a thing) until we are in the clear. Or we just say screw it. There is no pandemic and live life normally. Without all these imposing restrictions that make me stay home when not working to avoid the shenannigans. We can’t have both.
Let me end with this before someone admonishes me about mask wearing at events. I know they are outside and I know they are playing sports. But I at least expected people to seperate some. So end the end none of (the right things) will matter as long as we just keep on keeping on.
Concerned Citizen says
CDC guidelines reccomend a mask indoors or where social distancing isn’t practical.
I choose to go by the current guidelines rather than some blowhard’s personal opinion. If you were sitting in your car and I knocked on your window then told you to put a mask on would you like that? Probably not.
If I’m in a parking lot or on a pool deck away from people I don’t need to wear a mask. Likewise you don’t need a mask driving in your vehicle. And no you don’t have the right to make me do anything.
I was purposely away from people and working on my own. This individual decided to take it on himself and be a bully. He walked up to me at the end of the parking lot away from others And that’s not OK.
And don’t single me out for being irresponsible and dangerous when others are doing the same.
Sherry says
AGAIN. . . . Someone being overweight (etc. etc.) is NOT CONTAGIOUS, therefore they are NOT directly endangering me personally. That kind of comparison (a FOX talking point) is ridiculous!
There are public safety LAWS that PROHIBIT those behaviors that endanger others, such as smoking inside and driving drunk or recklessly. People are arrested, fined, and sometimes even put in jail for such things. Therefore, mandating and ENFORCING public safety behaviors (such as face coverings and social distancing) during this lethal pandemic is “reasonable and customary”. . . . if only we had the courageous government leadership (at every level) to protect our lives and health in this way.
OVER 170,000 precious souls have been lost, too many due to “GROSS GOVERNMENT INCOMPETENCE”!!!! Beginning with trump, through DeSantis and the BOCC. . . . right down to the despicable behavior of Janet McDonald on the school board!!!! VOTE THEM ALL OUT!!!
Sherry says
Concerned Citizen. . . . thank you so very much for your personal story and observation. You have done a great job of pointing out the two extremes of what should be unacceptable human behaviors during this pandemic.
Your two examples are a direct result of the LACK of clear, consistent, concise government regulations concerning what “should” be the reasonable implementation of mandated and enforced public safety behaviors. That NEGLIGENT LACK of governmental leadership is directly responsible for sowing confusion and discord in our society and is causing “NEEDLESS” illness and death!!!
Concerned Citizen says
Sherry,
You are welcome. This whole thing has been very difficult for all of us. I will be glad when this virus runs it’s course or does whatever it needs to go away.
The most sad but laughable point of this has been getting people to wear masks and other PPE with little to no experience. I am a retired FF/EMT (Retired as a Lieutenant) with a background in Hazmat. My wife and Mother are Nurse Practicioners with backgrounds in Infectious diseases.
I say that because I am speaking with experience in regards to PPE. PPE in general and masks specifically are only effective when deployed properly. The average person most likely does not know how to utilize the appropriate level of protection.
There was mixed messages and zero education. So many people had so much to say about masks. and masks are only a small part of it. Now we have people running around with cloth covers and bandannas and whatever else they cover up with just to meet compliance. With not much thought to safely handling or disposing of said PPE.
If we have learned anything of this pandemic it’s a major need for education.
Sal says
Incase you havent been paying attention the CDC guidlines have been tainted due to pressure from the Trump adminitrastion to ease the guidlines. Also you will be singled out if you are acting dangerously, just because others are also acting irresponsible and dangerous in public doesnt make it ok for you to do too. 2 wrongs dont make a right.
Concerned Citizen says
Sal,
I think you missed the point where I said I was working purposely away from others. At the end of the parking lot. And I’m not sure how I was acting dangerously when this person went out their way to cause a scene. But that’s OK you are entitled to your opinion and you are right and I am wrong. You must be a medical professional and know better than all of us when and where to wear a mask.
LOL I don’t support either political party but it’s amazing that it’s always Trumps fault. He will be gone 10 years from now and it will still be his fault. I could never be a politician. They end up being responsible for societies lack of accountability.
Steve says
I don’t know what is more pathetic, the fact that you are spreading disinformation or the fact that you have an undislosed “disability.” How convenient. The “pre-existing medical condition mask argument” has been debunked. You’re like the people in the airport with a “service dog.” Such a huge slap in the face to people with actual disabilities. Wear a damn mask and stop making @%&# up.
Saul says
Steve, I guess you are the type who says schizophrenia doesn’t exist because YOU don’t have it, or ovarian cysts don’t exist because YOU’VE never experienced them.
Why don’t YOU stop making x&$t up?!
Alyssa says
I get dissociative seizures due to PTSD, I can’t wear a mask or a face shield because a mask might block my airway and if I take a hard fall, a face shield might actually damage my eyes permanently. Also, the mask itself is a trigger because of feeling trapped, there are a lot of factors that play into it and it is not very healthy.
It is very obvious to me that people just don’t understand that there is a difference between being uncomfortable and a trigger.
I’ve been bullied very hard by a lot of people to the point I’ve gotten a drastic increase in seizures and have a hard time finding a reason not to give up on life, people are actually proud of being ableist in 2020 and it’s mortifying, especially in times like these where black lives matter is in full swing, I guess people only matter when it’s about them and makes them feel or look good?
A few stores have made it possible for me to shop by having an escort to keep hostile customers away from me and enforcing public distancing, and I really appreciate that, but honestly it’s not something I thought I would ever need just to get some groceries so I can survive.
It is honestly a very absurd feeling when people wearing masks walk up into my face and scream about not wearing them, completely forgetting that social distancing is still a thing and that by being entitled they’re actually putting a handicapped person in danger of either catching the virus because they’re way too close, or forcing them into having a seizure or a blackout episode where they’ll end up hurt, or hurt the offender. If the latter I hope they’ll at least learn a lesson and to mind their own business next time, but violence is pretty sad and I hope nobody is forced into a blackout anytime soon.
Violet says
So nice that this whole post went completely over your head. 🤦🏻♀️ We truly are doomed as a society.
Mark says
Hello, I’m a former nanotech engineer that used to qualify anti-contamination designs in class one cleanrooms through experiment. It is well established in the field of contamination control engineering that surgical masks are ineffective at stopping particles smaller than about a micron. Viruses are about 100 nanometers (ten times less than what a mask can even hope to trap). Additionally, transmission rate is not correlated to mask efficacy in biocontamination studies anyway, so even if the masks did trap a % of viruses, it wouldn’t have any effect on transmission rate. I’ve been involved in this field since the 1990s and working on this stuff for nearly twenty years folks. Those people not wearing a mask might know what they’re talking about. It really is tough to deal with mask bullies who get their “science” from CNN. Please don’t be a mask bully.
FlaglerLive says
We call your nanotech engineering and raise you an endless number of peer-reviewed studies that prove you wrong. Please don’t use this site to spread your disinformation. It embarrasses you and wastes our time. Thanks.
Mark McNulty says
Don’t you think, considering I’m a professional in the field, that I’ve actually read that “endless number of peer reviewed studies”? I may have even been a contributing author to some of them as far as you know. Boy that would sure be embarrassing for you wouldn’t it? There is no empirical study that demonstrates a cause and effect relationship between mask wearing and lower viral transmission rates, I know this because I’ve read them all. Nice try, and if you’d like to cite specific papers, I can certainly discuss the methodology and statistical significance with you. Move along now chap, you are way way way out of your league on this one.
Pierre Tristam says
If you were a “contributing author to some of them,” by all means, provide us links. Should be a gas. But keep in mind: Frontline Doctor gallactica doesn’t cut it here either.